Email Checking Gifts

"Hi. My name is Barry, and I check my E-mail two to three hundred times a day."

'The check is in the email attachment.'

"I'd like a week off without any business related e-mail on my home computer."

"The article you sent me on how technology causes stress crashed my computer."

"Bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: fwd: bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: fwd: fwd: bark bark bark bark"

"No, kid, we don't call these 'attachment icons.' We call them paperclips."

"A one-word email reply... classic power move."

'I'm sending another scam email requesting money to help free Willy...'

'Could we finish these negotiations via e-mail? That will allow me to think before I respond to your proposals.'

"Is there an option to make my out-of-office message permanent?"

"I didn't say my prayers, but I e-mailed God earlier."

'Hey! I sad, 'You've got mail!''

"I thought that modern communications systems were meant to be more efficient...That they would cut down on waste and duplication."

"Thank you for your e-mail. I will be out on a walk for the next twenty minutes and plan on barking remotely until my return."

"You should be able to get through your emails during the working day then you could use the rest of your life to do some of the work."

"Did you get my e-mail about who takes out the trash today?"

Excess Baggage: You send emails from exotic places just to make your friends jealous.

Spam in inbox.

"My Gmail account is full. I can't get any more email." "So?" "I'll miss email. It was so old-timey. You could write hundreds or even thousands of words, with actual paragraphs." "People didn't see any little animations to show them you were typing. They had to actually wonder if you were going to reply." "And the spam was fun. You never got to hear from Nigerian princes while you're checking your texts." "Just delete stuff." "If you delete a few gigs of old emails, you'll be able to get n

E-waste - 'Well there's another hour gone on email.'

'Everyone's in a rush these days!'

Student - Haven't emailed in 2 days.

"And that, gentlemen, is the Friday 4.55 pm Bad News Email Dump."

'Lance, what does 'NSFW' stand for?'

"Our ideal employee will be able to answer email in their sleep."

"In my trashcan again, eh?"

"There's nothing wrong with her. With e-mail, texting and tweeting, she just hasn't needed to learn to talk."

'Our special of the day is spam sandwiches.'

"Hi..just ringing to see if you got my e-mail?"

"I'm sorry, but the doctor no longer sees patients in person. But he does take e-mail from 9 to 3."

'At 10:00 you'll be deleting spam. At 10:15 you'll be forwarding jokes. At 10:35 you'll be playing online poker. At noon...'

"I finally got myself organized and unsubscribed from all those-e-mails."

'There's a gentleman here who's concerned because you haven't responded to not one of his 12 million email spams.'

"Please disregard the previous message - it was inadvertently sent to everyone on our list."

Reconnaissance reports your email blast to Sales was a direct hit, with acceptable collateral damage in Finance and Accounting.