Electricity Comedian Pillows

'Hello? Electric company?'

AA Meeting Here Today

"Between you, Alexa, and Siri, I'm just in a house surrounded by women who think they know everything."

"Can I get this to go in an organic, locally recycled, eco-friendly doggie bag?"

'In the alternate universe I've come up with, everything would be exactly the same except cats would bark.'

'Catch this!'

'As far as we can tell, the system went down because someone stepped on a crack in the sidewalk.'

'It's a government funded study to find out how many wrongs make a right.'

'Some hackers have broken into the system. It goes in as molten steel, and it comes out as chicken gumbo soup.'

"He's our back-up if our computers fail."

"Don't rage, rage against the dying of the light, just pay the electric bill."

"Brilliant! And then all they have to do is stop them flying at night."

'It's not worth worrying about. There's nothing you can do about it. No two quarks in a small region can occupy the same quantum-mechanical state.'

'So there's global warming. What possible harm could it do?'

A Double-Dip Recession with Sprinkles

'I'd say that our transport policy couldn't get any greener'

'The stand-up geneticist'

Jim's Smart Kettle

Will work for manure.

'Granted we have to do the research. And we can do some research on the research. but I don't think we should get involved in research on research on research.'

Psychic TV Guru & Cellular Phone Commercial Spin.

'My new browser is so fast I have to take motion sickness pills.'

"Hide? What do you mean hide? We are literally camouflage and they still eat us!"

Sign - 'Warning: Government Spending Objectives Are Larger Than They Actually Appear.'

"...then - and here's the funny part - I add the potassium sulfate..."

'Male and Female He created them.'

'It's a very common plant on earth.'

Bankers waking up from cryo-sleep to explain the Fed's interest rate hike to you.

"There's no such thing as a vegan flytrap."

How scientists classify the Elements vs how students classify the Elements.

A ship sails on water flowing off a flat Earth.

'It's a great plan, but we'll need a human being to be front man.'