Electric Humor Enthusiast Pillows

"I Ain't Jealous. Just Confused."

Dog receives an electric shock from an electrical fire hydrant.

"The leadership team wants a catchy acronym for a new social media app they're calling Functional Applied Relationship Tracker. Any suggestions?"

'Did you want to bring on a sub'

AA Meeting Here Today

"... And this one needs a shot of vodka."

'If I believed in aptitude tests I'd still be washing cars in Accrington,.'

'Looks like the perfect time to bring in our profit sharing scheme.'

"I suppose you think that's funny."

Crime in bookshop

Men Working Things Out

'Remember, repeated failure... is no guarantee of eventual success!'

"Wow! Check out the moon."

'...need to design something to bridge the generation gap.'

Energy trap.

"Oh c'mon, Phil. Everyone knows we only stay together for the giant tortoise."

"You're a bureaucrat, Ed. What do you mean you hate paperwork?"

"Your confirmation number is 7913842461. To hear this information again press 1."

"Don't rage, rage against the dying of the light, just pay the electric bill."

'Money can't buy happiness, Sims, so instead of a raise, I'm giving you a bottle of prozac.'

"and what are you giving up for lent, Reverend?" "Religion"

'I've still got nothing. I'm going to call an electrician.'

"Sorry Mr. Gross, Mr. DeVries, but the firm has decided to go with the earthy, down-home fingerpicking of Ms. Aimee Parker-Grossman."

Expensive health care

'Truly,he's a great conductor.'

"Dear Author: Thank you so much for giving us the opportunity to reject your work."

'Young lady, stop talking to your dad in such a disrespectful way! After all he's a man with degrees and can fill in his unemployment benefit application in five different languages!'

A panhandler with a sign that reads "From each according to his ability…. To each according to his need."

"What - the customer complaints come in nonstop and the software doesn't work? Pheew... I'm relieved. I feared that something unusual happened today."

'It was embarrassing. I always swore I'd die of her cooking.'

Jimmy Mussolini With "Leon""Precious I cannot be. One more allusion to Gilgamesh and I'll trash out. I make mistakes, just like you, every day. This may be one of them. I'll take the money and walk."

Universidad

'We've simplified the control to 2 buttons - snooze and panic.'