Electric Humor Enthusiast Pillows

"I Ain't Jealous. Just Confused."

Dog receives an electric shock from an electrical fire hydrant.

"The leadership team wants a catchy acronym for a new social media app they're calling Functional Applied Relationship Tracker. Any suggestions?"

AA Meeting Here Today

"... And this one needs a shot of vodka."

'Did you want to bring on a sub'

'If I believed in aptitude tests I'd still be washing cars in Accrington,.'

'Looks like the perfect time to bring in our profit sharing scheme.'

"I suppose you think that's funny."

Crime in bookshop

Men Working Things Out

'Remember, repeated failure... is no guarantee of eventual success!'

"Wow! Check out the moon."

'...need to design something to bridge the generation gap.'

Energy trap.

"Oh c'mon, Phil. Everyone knows we only stay together for the giant tortoise."

"Your confirmation number is 7913842461. To hear this information again press 1."

"You're a bureaucrat, Ed. What do you mean you hate paperwork?"

Tell me about your history. What are your interests? What kind of places do you visit? Are you careful? House of Java.net Cybercafe. You know what I mean: Are you the type that gets around? Your computer seems chaste. You may use it to send me an email. My laptop is virus-free. Freak.

"Don't rage, rage against the dying of the light, just pay the electric bill."

'Money can't buy happiness, Sims, so instead of a raise, I'm giving you a bottle of prozac.'

"and what are you giving up for lent, Reverend?" "Religion"

'I've still got nothing. I'm going to call an electrician.'

'Young lady, stop talking to your dad in such a disrespectful way! After all he's a man with degrees and can fill in his unemployment benefit application in five different languages!'

A panhandler with a sign that reads "From each according to his ability…. To each according to his need."

Ohm. He has a degree in electrical engineering!

Wow! I've met some famous scientists up here! Yesterday I met Thomas Edison -- it was very illuminating! And today I met Professor Pavlov! You know who was, don't you? I'm not sure -- but the name sure rings a bell!

"Dear Author: Thank you so much for giving us the opportunity to reject your work."

'Ever since we converted the church into a jail, everyone is finding Jesus.'

Expensive health care

"What - the customer complaints come in nonstop and the software doesn't work? Pheew... I'm relieved. I feared that something unusual happened today."

'Truly,he's a great conductor.'

'It was embarrassing. I always swore I'd die of her cooking.'

"Sorry Mr. Gross, Mr. DeVries, but the firm has decided to go with the earthy, down-home fingerpicking of Ms. Aimee Parker-Grossman."

Jimmy Mussolini With "Leon""Precious I cannot be. One more allusion to Gilgamesh and I'll trash out. I make mistakes, just like you, every day. This may be one of them. I'll take the money and walk."