Electrician Humorist Pillows

AA Meeting Here Today

"Gas. Regular. Premium. Super. You don’t want to know."

'Pretty strange term, market share, considering the whole object is not to.'

'Does this thing get channel four.'

'...And, from what I understand, they don't have any hard drive at all.'

Clown answers the door to a custard pie in the face.

Pi fight!

Trickledown economics

'Your car should run fine now. I reformatted the hard drive, increased the ram, scanned for viruses, updated the firmware, upgraded to this year's processor...'

Aliens - 'We heard stuff is cheap here.'

Office of economic forecasting.

'Don't throw the little silicon chips away -- we may find a use for them someday.'

'It's the NEW Chinese Stock Market Report.'

'We buy and sell them.'

'Today the stock market closed early so money managers could take time to stop and smell the profits.'

'Oh dear. I seem to have put the decimal point in the wrong place again.'

'Consumer confidence is up.. in the 'Money in the mattress' sector.'

'I see dumb people wearing 'I see dumb people' shirts.'

'Someday, Son, all of this will be yo....!'

Government Handouts.

"That man's a legend in this office. He has 100% accuracy in predicting the past."

'Well, if I have a short circuit, just lengthen it.'

Grand Opening and Closing Down Sale simultaneously occurring.

Heavy Metal Scrap Merchants.

Thanks to his stocks, Bob now lives in the middle of a great green garden outside the crowded city.

Office of Management & Budget. Now hiring: crowdfunding expert to reduce the U.S. budget deficit.

"These days, many people can only afford to drink from home."

"Could you put me 'on hold' Mom? I could use a hug."

Bad case of credit crunch, I'm afraid, so we'll have to slowly introduce you to a diet of cash.

"Since it cost as much as our house, can we take out a mortgage instead of a loan?"

Pork Lift

'Sorry about the mess -- I've been slashing the Federal budget.'

'Our concept is simple. We intend to lose money on every sale but make it up on volume.'