Electrician Humorist Gifts

AA Meeting Here Today

"Gas. Regular. Premium. Super. You don’t want to know."

'Pretty strange term, market share, considering the whole object is not to.'

'Does this thing get channel four.'

Clown answers the door to a custard pie in the face.

'...And, from what I understand, they don't have any hard drive at all.'

Wait a minute…What operating system are you using?… Common techie question.

Pi fight!

Trickledown economics

"Good to see they're trying to keep the high street vibe."

Aliens - 'We heard stuff is cheap here.'

'Your car should run fine now. I reformatted the hard drive, increased the ram, scanned for viruses, updated the firmware, upgraded to this year's processor...'

Office of economic forecasting.

'Don't throw the little silicon chips away -- we may find a use for them someday.'

'Oh dear. I seem to have put the decimal point in the wrong place again.'

'Today the stock market closed early so money managers could take time to stop and smell the profits.'

'We buy and sell them.'

'It's the NEW Chinese Stock Market Report.'

'Consumer confidence is up.. in the 'Money in the mattress' sector.'

"That man's a legend in this office. He has 100% accuracy in predicting the past."

'Someday, Son, all of this will be yo....!'

'Well, if I have a short circuit, just lengthen it.'

Government Handouts.

Grand Opening and Closing Down Sale simultaneously occurring.

I'm a bolt, dummy! Does everything look like a nail to you?!

'I see dumb people wearing 'I see dumb people' shirts.'

Heavy Metal Scrap Merchants.

Thanks to his stocks, Bob now lives in the middle of a great green garden outside the crowded city.

Bad case of credit crunch, I'm afraid, so we'll have to slowly introduce you to a diet of cash.

"Since it cost as much as our house, can we take out a mortgage instead of a loan?"

'Sorry about the mess -- I've been slashing the Federal budget.'

Office of Management & Budget. Now hiring: crowdfunding expert to reduce the U.S. budget deficit.

"These days, many people can only afford to drink from home."

Pork Lift

"Could you put me 'on hold' Mom? I could use a hug."