Elder Banter Enthusiast Pillows

'Hey, Flower! That crabgrass put a perfectly legal chokehold on you! Stop your whining!'

"Why bother?"

"I never thought turning eighty would be so much fun!"

'Think how all that chatting is affecting global warming.'

'What worried me most is identity theft.'

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

Two Men Discuss Ministers.

Pretty girls listen patiently. They know you'll soon get tongue-tied and won't be able to talk anymore.

"He looks like you, and he isn't even born yet."

"Events seem to be headed in the right direction. Unfortunately, it's not taking me with it."

"Excuse me, Jerrod, but I'm leaving you for Paul's competing narrative."

"My client greatly regrets the incident with the carving knife. However, in her defense, 14 people were coming for Thanksgiving and her husband, who had just one job to do, bought only 8 rolls."

Shirley Temple...The later years.. - 'Animal crackers in my poop...'

'You've got us backward. I'm Vinnie, and my short and subtle brother is Vignette.'

'We all shrink as we get older... You'll just have to be a little patient!'

"Meanwhile in Dogtown... Put your tongue back in your mouth. And pull up your pants. That’s not what your mom said last night."

I conduct comprehensive surveys - I ask my girlfriend.

'It's called a bedSIDE manner, Doctor.'

"Have you heard of Murphy's Law 2.0? It's anything that could possibly go wrong often does...as well as a thing or two that couldn't possibly go wrong."

You look lovely tonight. It's a good think the coat-check girl let me check my thought balloons. !!

"I work from home because I can’t stand the sight of idiots." "Is that why you got rid of all our mirrors?"

The Art of Bantering!

"Hey Eric. Do you think they're silicone implants?"

Gerontologist on the phone - 'Oh, you know ... same old, same old ... and how are things with you?'

'Are you our new glue-ru?'

'Mr. Franklin. What did I tell you about wheelies in the hallway?'

"Let's go bowling and keep on bowling until the people who regulate bowling say it isn't bowling any more!"

"I was listening at the door and I overheard the nickname they have for me."

'Do you mean I leave a lot to be desired bad, or a lot to be desired good?'

'You're looking well.'

"I don't know—my gut tells me I should have another beer."

'Sorry, I only drink still wines. I don't have the patience to wait for bubbles to pop.'

"Meanwhile, in the Memory Care Unit... I said, your secret’s safe with me."

'Have I told you how absolutely lovely you look today?'

'No kidding? I didn't realize 80 is the new 20!'