Egotist Extraordinaire T-Shirts

'I love appearing on stage. My only regret is that I can't be in the audience to fully appreciate my work.'

Worker ant's To Do list.

"Hold on a second, Bob. I'm putting you on a stickie."

"That was a great ideaof yours, chester."

Man is successfully leaping over chasm.

"Can you come look under my bed? It seems like a complete waste of storage space."

"You say we atheists are going to Hell? Look at all the f**ks we give... Go ahead... Look at them all."

"How do I know God is not real? For the same reason I know people on TV can't see me."

'Hold me!'

"This is Thompson, he has a black belt in budget control."

"All this is mine now! I had my lawyers declare you incompetent!"

"You should hire me now, before my skills completely deteriorate."

"What's ticking away in your filing system?"

"The Oaths of the Venture Capitalists."

Outline; Introduction, Body, Conclusion.

"Any Creationists here tonight?"

'Your lab tests are back. Your cholesterol weight, and self importance are all too high.'

'There I was, all alone... salesmen to the left of me... salesmen to the right of me... salesmen behind me...'

"It's my company. I want to star in the commercial."

'We've created fire! We're Gods!'

"A lot of questions about EVs are cleared up once you start driving one."

Failure - Success

'It's these sleeper terrorists, doctor. They're keeping me awake at night.'

Okay, now we've got a quorum!

"Have I (hic) godda deal for you."

'It's good quality oil I tell you! Why doesn't anybody believe me?'

'But enough about me. . . tell me about yourself.'

"I have a healthy skepticism of what's reported to me as 'fact'."

'Now's a good time to get a feel for your negotiating skills.'

"I hope you have a pleasant, relaxing stay with us."

Next Train 45 Minutes - 'Now the government is back in charge I'll take it with a pinch of salt.'

Special Person Statue

Fabio Capello

It’s not the clutch, Mr. Warburton. Your car’s been taken over by a bunch of child eating demons using a Jewish space laser. We have to shoot it.

The Adventures of Tom Friedman, Boy Reporter