Egotist Extraordinaire T-Shirts

'I love appearing on stage. My only regret is that I can't be in the audience to fully appreciate my work.'

Worker ant's To Do list.

"Hold on a second, Bob. I'm putting you on a stickie."

"That was a great ideaof yours, chester."

Man is successfully leaping over chasm.

"Can you come look under my bed? It seems like a complete waste of storage space."

"You say we atheists are going to Hell? Look at all the f**ks we give... Go ahead... Look at them all."

"How do I know God is not real? For the same reason I know people on TV can't see me."

'Hold me!'

"This is Thompson, he has a black belt in budget control."

"All this is mine now! I had my lawyers declare you incompetent!"

"The Oaths of the Venture Capitalists."

"You should hire me now, before my skills completely deteriorate."

"What's ticking away in your filing system?"

Outline; Introduction, Body, Conclusion.

"Any Creationists here tonight?"

'Your lab tests are back. Your cholesterol weight, and self importance are all too high.'

'There I was, all alone... salesmen to the left of me... salesmen to the right of me... salesmen behind me...'

"A lot of questions about EVs are cleared up once you start driving one."

"It's my company. I want to star in the commercial."

Failure - Success

Okay, now we've got a quorum!

'It's these sleeper terrorists, doctor. They're keeping me awake at night.'

"Have I (hic) godda deal for you."

'It's good quality oil I tell you! Why doesn't anybody believe me?'

'But enough about me. . . tell me about yourself.'

"I have a healthy skepticism of what's reported to me as 'fact'."

'Now's a good time to get a feel for your negotiating skills.'

"I hope you have a pleasant, relaxing stay with us."

Next Train 45 Minutes - 'Now the government is back in charge I'll take it with a pinch of salt.'

Special Person Statue

It’s not the clutch, Mr. Warburton. Your car’s been taken over by a bunch of child eating demons using a Jewish space laser. We have to shoot it.

'Don't bother with dinner, dear. I just gobbled up two corporations and ate my secretary alive.'