Egotist Enthusiast T-Shirts

"It's my company. I want to star in the commercial."

"Mom said grandpa killed it so his penis would feel bigger."

Others will fight for you

"But I see you're having difficulty following my argument."

"Take special note of the change to our policy on honesty."

Three card brag - I'm great! I'm really handsome & I'm very rich.

Okay, I'll admit I was wrong. But I won't say what I was wrong about.

"Mrs. Beasley, send the employees a memo stating that, from now on, they are to refer to me as 'Alpha Male'."

'He started it!'

The Boss.

"I'm treating you like a living deity for one day."

By the year 2500, 1 in 10 academics will devote their entire career to divining the meaning of the word 'sussudio'.

Computer neck.

'Here are the safety manuals you wanted'

'Dayton, you're a decent, respectable, ethical, honest and nice guy. What the hell are you up to?'

'I don't need such a big office as this. My ego does.'

"And afterwards, I'll be signing my new DVD of this presentation in the lobby."

'The only exercise I believe in is the exercise of power.'

'Maybe that'll teach you not to argue with the waiter over the bill!'

"I'm sorry, Mr. Wilson, but your hair just doesn't say anything to me today."

'Let's face it...We have irreconcilable differences!'

"You think I would have sunk forty thousand clams into this lemon if I had known they were coming out with a nine-dollar boner pill?"

'You're so illogical. I can never win an argument with you.'

'Let's go around the room, and talk about the edgy, creative things we've done so far today.'

Warning: Cathartic manifestations of childhood trauma next 5 miles

Arguing with Edna was enough to make the brain fly out of any logical man.

"He claims he does the work of two employees."

"I have a right to disagree! You can't force me to use logic."

"In short, then, I'm looking for a job that matches my sense of entitlement!"

The great and near-great

"On a personal note, my wife, Ann, and I have agreed to separate, as I've fallen in love with the sound of my own voice."

Mixed marriage: food fight

"And, for God's sake, don't let anyone finish my novel!"

"Daddy needs to relax. He spent another long day at work extolling the virtues of his stand up desk."

'It has to be understandable, Higbe. A code of ethics is not actually to be written in code.'