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'Narcissism Helpline. How can you help me?'

'The only exercise I believe in is the exercise of power.'

'I'm better than you and you.'

I'm the gorilla's nuts... I'm the dog's bo****ks... He's never been good at hiding his light under a bushel.

"Carry yourself like everyone knows you, ad everyone you meet will feel like they should know you."

'So what's your big new idea?'

'Well, he always said he wanted the biggest damn desk in the city.'

'This will kill his self-confidence!'

YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE A MEGALOMANIAC TO WORK HERE, BUT IT SURE DOES HELP!

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'Stanley likes to think he's king of his castle.'

Vain Security Guard

"I was young and cocky because I wasn't aware of my shortcomings. Now I'm old and cocky because I can't remember what they are."

"Even though I wasn't always perfect, I feel deep down that I am now."

"It's his ego growth chart."

Big Shot/Bigger Shot.

"I'm working on more of a 'personal' mythology."

"If we do hire you, will you promise to bring a bag lunch and dispose of the bag in the proper receptacle?"

'I think he would come back to earth if women would just stop kissing him.'

"Tell me what you think of the menu. I wrote it."

Three card brag - I'm great! I'm really handsome & I'm very rich.

'For God's sake give me some angst, how will I ever write a misery memoir?'

"Mrs. Beasley, send the employees a memo stating that, from now on, they are to refer to me as 'Alpha Male'."

'What makes you think I want a trophy wife?'

'Whenever Mat gets a little over-confident, I tell him to try to fold a fitted bed sheet.'

'You certainly lived a remarkable life. Any chance you'll get over yourself?'

'He has been like that ever since he had a small part in 'Finding Nemo'!'

Narcissist in the tunnel of love.

"I'm treating you like a living deity for one day."

'You're right, Mr. Benson, no question about it...I agree...yes! Absolutely! Yes...yes...'

As soon as I've extinguished my ego, I'm going to take some "me" time.

The Boss.

Feedback should be sought for genuine reasons, not because you want compliments. . .

Band alternating between whiney and angry songs.

"And afterwards, I'll be signing my new DVD of this presentation in the lobby."