Ego Joker Gifts

"I like the big screen TV, but it makes my bass seem so small."

'Keep me informed of the herds' mood.'

"It's a memo from the legal department reminding us to (heh-heh), 'keep our noses clean'."

"So then the VP of Sales looks right at me and says 'Larry, what's going on? We don't have any traction in the market.' Like it's MY fault!"

"Hi there! - I'm the world's first eco-friendly comedian... All My Jokes Are Recycled...!"

'Asynchronous, collaborative, interactive - we're obviously on a roll.'

'Try and be negative in a positive way.'

'Bad news, sir -- there's a leak in our think tank!'

"Your mother called to remind you to diversify."

Child laughs while making farting sound under arm. Dad says, 'Isn't it nice when they find something they're good at?

'You really want that promotion, don't you, Sherman?'

"If Google Translate is correct, they want our women and our cattle."

"To make this interview more entertaining I would like you to take a breath of helium before answering the questions."

Get crazy once in a while

'Please leave the light on, dear. I'm afraid there might be OSHA inspectors under the bed.' 'Managers at Night.'

"And best of all, it comes fully loaded!"

"Walking erect is very trendy now."

'Before we start, shall we go round the table, and each share our name and a horrible dark secret from our past.'

'What's the smallest budget you can manage on?' 'The most you can give me!'

"Ok... for today I want a 500-word essay on what you know about nothing."

'Careful, that's where the boss keeps his ego.'

'He doesn't like people walking in - try crawling.'

"This resumé has the kind of sizzle we're looking for."

"In my old job we were encouraged to run fast and break things."

"Call security, Miss Rightman. I have an overwhelming urge to throw good money after bad"

'You're off the plane, Hal. Put the laptop on your desk.'

Of course I always start off by wooing a prospective candidate with talk of stimulating work,great colleagues and a reasonable work life balance...but the winning argument is always when I promise them enough money to choke a rhino.

Check zombies.

"I'm giving you a 300% salary increase, and four months paid leave."

'Stop emailing me, I am standing right here.'

'Not exactly what I meant by job creation.'

'A 10M bonus for your thoughts.'

"At First Infidelity we're all about integrity...."