Ego Humorists Pillows

"Mine's bigger."

The Rooster Comedian.

Football Chameleon

"I’ve heard of them barking at the moon, but never scatting at the sun."

"Yep, that one does, too." "For heaven's sake, Bob, they all look like fart emojis."

"It's no good, Bertie—we must either find some other place to meet or break off the affair altogether."

Three card brag - I'm great! I'm really handsome & I'm very rich.

'Sorry - The position has already been filled."

"Mrs. Beasley, send the employees a memo stating that, from now on, they are to refer to me as 'Alpha Male'."

'And I thought I had a big egg to lay.'

'Oh, wait. There's a note. It says; Fill her up with euros.'

'He has been like that ever since he had a small part in 'Finding Nemo'!'

"I'm treating you like a living deity for one day."

The Boss.

'The only exercise I believe in is the exercise of power.'

'I don't need such a big office as this. My ego does.'

"And afterwards, I'll be signing my new DVD of this presentation in the lobby."

Pierre was full of himself.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Wilson, but your hair just doesn't say anything to me today."

'My acne is worst on the dark side.'

The company lawyer's self-image vs the boss's self-image.

The Joshua Tree

Murphy bed...Murphy.

"In short, then, I'm looking for a job that matches my sense of entitlement!"

'Just because the alignment of the system wasn't maintained during rapid sample exchange, it's no threat to your manhood.'

Poser

"He claims he does the work of two employees."

"And, for God's sake, don't let anyone finish my novel!"

'My 434 novels are very similar to Terry Pratchetts apart from the fact that they've never been published.'

"On a personal note, my wife, Ann, and I have agreed to separate, as I've fallen in love with the sound of my own voice."

The great and near-great

'I've always managed to retain my humility, I'm proud to say.'

'The only exercise I believe in is the exercise of power.'

"I think it really captures my humility and selflessness."

...and there's no shortage of natural gas!