Ego Humorists Pillows

"Mine's bigger."

The Rooster Comedian.

Football Chameleon

"I’ve heard of them barking at the moon, but never scatting at the sun."

"It's no good, Bertie—we must either find some other place to meet or break off the affair altogether."

"Yep, that one does, too." "For heaven's sake, Bob, they all look like fart emojis."

Three card brag - I'm great! I'm really handsome & I'm very rich.

"Mrs. Beasley, send the employees a memo stating that, from now on, they are to refer to me as 'Alpha Male'."

'And I thought I had a big egg to lay.'

'Sorry - The position has already been filled."

'He has been like that ever since he had a small part in 'Finding Nemo'!'

'Oh, wait. There's a note. It says; Fill her up with euros.'

"I'm treating you like a living deity for one day."

The Boss.

'The only exercise I believe in is the exercise of power.'

"And afterwards, I'll be signing my new DVD of this presentation in the lobby."

'I don't need such a big office as this. My ego does.'

"I'm sorry, Mr. Wilson, but your hair just doesn't say anything to me today."

The Joshua Tree

Pierre was full of himself.

'My acne is worst on the dark side.'

The company lawyer's self-image vs the boss's self-image.

Murphy bed...Murphy.

"He claims he does the work of two employees."

Poser

'My 434 novels are very similar to Terry Pratchetts apart from the fact that they've never been published.'

"In short, then, I'm looking for a job that matches my sense of entitlement!"

'Just because the alignment of the system wasn't maintained during rapid sample exchange, it's no threat to your manhood.'

The great and near-great

"On a personal note, my wife, Ann, and I have agreed to separate, as I've fallen in love with the sound of my own voice."

"And, for God's sake, don't let anyone finish my novel!"

'I've always managed to retain my humility, I'm proud to say.'

"They're both type 'A' personalities, so they're deciding who is the 'A+'."

'The only exercise I believe in is the exercise of power.'

...and there's no shortage of natural gas!