Ego Humor Admirer Pillows

'Do you like my new look?'

Ancient Racing

'Originally he was the mascot until we discovered he had a golden foot.'

Cow's straw

"Wait—what did I come into this room to do?"

On the brink.

Piano and Pianist with broken legs.

"Happy birthday, dear. You still have that sparkle in your eyes!" "That sparkle burned out years ago. These are cataracts."

Dolphin friendly tuna

I don't think I'm letting sunlight in when I open the curtains. I think the darkness is going out.

Grinning dog points at missing cat poster with glee

"Frankly, I never would've figured you for an S.U.V. person."

Gym Dog

"My path to success and fortune was that rather than foraging and storing my own food, I built a portfolio of storage properties to rent..."

Always an awkward moment when you meet a Dung Beetle...

"Yep, that one does, too." "For heaven's sake, Bob, they all look like fart emojis."

Three card brag - I'm great! I'm really handsome & I'm very rich.

"Life is too short! Why should I waste my time frantically searching for a mate when I can create art instead..."

Was the Illuminati - now the Illuminasty

Pea

'He hasn't been the same since the Goodyear blimp sneaked up behind him.'

"Mrs. Beasley, send the employees a memo stating that, from now on, they are to refer to me as 'Alpha Male'."

'I've got it made in the shade. What worries me is sunshine.'

'He has been like that ever since he had a small part in 'Finding Nemo'!'

The Boss.

"I'm treating you like a living deity for one day."

St Bernard delivering teddy to avalanche victim

"They don't look like an endangered species."

"Got any cards saying friendship is priceless under 5 bucks?"

"Most men lead lives of quiet desperation. Frankly, it beats Pandora."

"Your right.. It is waving back at us."

Bill stumbles upon an automated taco maker.

"And afterwards, I'll be signing my new DVD of this presentation in the lobby."

Cat with Crown.

'The only exercise I believe in is the exercise of power.'