Ego Humorist T-Shirts

"The only person you can dial is yourself."

"If I were a narcissist, I assure you I would be the first to know!"

And the trophy goes to Frank and only Frank

'Just because the alignment of the system wasn't maintained during rapid sample exchange, it's no threat to your manhood.'

Poser

The Rooster Comedian.

"Eat not of the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge. Its sources have yet to be verified."

"The Eggsorcist"

I put a picture of my lunch on Facebook, and nobody hit "like." Who doesn't like Slim Jims and beer?

"Did you get my tweet?"

"I just edited your Wikipedia entry." "Big whoop." "What a coincidence, that's what scientists have classified you as: Bigwhoop." "...The much grumpier, much louder, and much, much older second cousin of Bigfoot." "You lousy son of a..." "Wait... thank you. That's very flattering."

"I'll have you know that, '#dirtylitterbox' is trending on Twitter."

"Don't worry, Miss. I'll soon get the hang of it."

"She looks just like in your photos."

"It's no good, Bertie—we must either find some other place to meet or break off the affair altogether."

"[UNABLE TO PROCESS THIS IMAGE]"

"Yep, that one does, too." "For heaven's sake, Bob, they all look like fart emojis."

'Oh no! Is this a blogger I saw before me?'

Three card brag - I'm great! I'm really handsome & I'm very rich.

"You looked a lot bigger on your dating profile."

"Mrs. Beasley, send the employees a memo stating that, from now on, they are to refer to me as 'Alpha Male'."

The mysterious ancient stone figures of Keister Island.

'And I thought I had a big egg to lay.'

Twitter that!

Advertising on the internet.

"If he has more than 20 followers on Twitter we call him a 'celebrity'."

Facebook For Dogs.

'Oh, wait. There's a note. It says; Fill her up with euros.'

'He has been like that ever since he had a small part in 'Finding Nemo'!'

"Can you take a video of me attacking the garbage so I can post it on Instagram?"

I've founded my own religion. Of course you have, Rudy. It's off to a good start. Already, it's being mocked by people of other faiths. If history's any guide, within a couple hundred years, it'll be widely accepted and people who don't believe in it will be persecuted. What are the central tenets of your religion? A true Rudian knows that life is suffering, and winning arguments online is salvation.

"Great, the end of the world and I'm going to be first on facebook with pictures!!"

Dummies for Dummies.

"Google gets thousands of requests each day to erase links. Most of them seem to go back to my website."

"There is only one thing worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about. Lol. Winky face."