Efficiency Evangelist Gifts

'And exactly how much less did it cost to implement Five Sigma instead of Six, Dwayne?'

'Your job is to do wonders for productivity.'

"What about a skills audit then?"

"I spent all day learning productivity hacks"

'Office' block tightening it's belt

'What happened to that efficiency report? I had it in my hand not two minutes ago.'

"Trust me Jesus, if you want to make a bigger impact work on being seeker friendly."

'Please put that confusing mess of documents, files and folders where it belongs...in your computer.'

Motivation to work

'Everyone in the company wears one, Yomp! It's what keeps us focused!'

"Listen to this: 'Technology reduces the time we spend on a given task, but increases the number of tasks we're expected to do.' Sounds like a no-win situation to me!"

"This works, so why do we need to spend all that energy building a nest?"

"Our new information management system has just worked out where we wasted most money last year. . . It was on the new information management system."

"The anger management consultant said he wasn't going to alter his **** dates at this t****stage which fits in with the 'managing change' consultant who said it was to late to change her plans..."

"And with the optional remote you make all these little lights go off and on really quickly." You can have an IT system with all the latest bells and whistles...or you could have one that WORKS

'The massive arrests have made the plans for downsizing much easier.'

Desk Boxes: 'In', 'Out', 'Could Go Either Way'.

"I'm so efficient I can screw up two assignments in the time it takes most people to screw up just one."

Cat shoes: For those who are too busy to do their own walking.

'We've cut and pasted your list into 84 arbitrary sub-lists. Well, our work here is done.'

...The computer says you can handle 20 more work

"Post Covid it was clear that the old 9-5 was no longer viable, our industry lends itself to home working."

"So, you want me to go all the way back to the kitchen just to get you a menu...? Couldn't I just give you a link to our, online menu?!"

It come's to my attention that you have been doing the work of two men.

"We only got up to three 'whys' and a 'what the hell'."

'Come on, Walter, you're wasting out time! Stop using complete sentences!'

'It says it works so fast, it's accumulated seven thousand years of vacation with pay.'

'Well I've finished the project on time and on budget!' 'Oh, that means I've given you too much time and too much money!'

'See here, Flanigan ? what's this I hear about you going over my head to the computer?'

'Miss Pringle, I run a tight ship! What is this piece of paper doing on my desk?'

Peacock of Productivity

'I'm sorry you had to wait. My Time Management Workshop started late.'

"I'm Kurt... this brochure will explain the rest."

'Working on my computer save me loads of spare time. To do more stuff on my computer.'

'Not only will it do the work of ten people, it will scare 40% more work out of the rest of the employees.'