Educational Jest Fan Gifts

'But, Mom -- if I go to school every day, it just encourages them!'

"There's something weird about Emily. She actually likes school!"

"I'm going to prove that Math comes in handy later in life."

"I see here that you are a recent graduate."

'Ms. Blumter, please get me a copy of Educational Leadership for Dummies.'

'I'm pretty sure I have a Ph.D. I think one came bundled with my new computer.'

"Where do you see yourself five beers from now?"

"There are no dumb questions, Billy, but there are plenty of dumb answers!"

"Anyway, to make a long story short, I'm the guy who invented CliffsNotes."

'The first person to learn anything leaves immediately!'

'Your son stopped passing notes to his friends in class. Now he's text messaging them.'

'I expect 'Sesame Street has seen some new developments since I was your age?'

Economic Conference.

'Don't act too happy that school's out. You'll hurt our teacher's feelings.'

'Boasting bumper stickers.'

'But my mom says that 40 is the new 30.'

". . . and I wish he's shut up for a few minutes!"

Cave College: 'We offer two majors, Hunting and Gathering.'

"I dreamed I was being chased by a giant standardized test."

"This looks cool, Mum, a university offering a degree course in Greed."

'All right, who's been sitting on the copier again?'

'Your better half isn't up here... It seems you were the better half.'

"Can't hear it at all, miss."

Graduation at the executioner's school

"I don't have any yet. We just opened."

'Don't you think this school has way too many fire drills?'

Volcano Danger: 'We are shutting down your Wright Brothers exhibit until Andy's volcano is dormant again.'

'Here - I did my math homework, but the details are still sketchy.'

'You tell me that I should forget the past and go on with my life But doctor, I am the history teacher'

'No, Jeffrey! It's a trick! - That's EDUCATIONAL TV!'

Not Such A Fool As He Looks.

"Let's review cause and effect. Your divorce 10 years ago can't affect your son's zero today."

"The jury would like to say that this case was not as juicy as it promised to be."

'Today's homily is on irreverence.'

Report Card: Chicken Gets Grade A's.