Education Policy Humorist Gifts

"I'm sure you would bring many things the school. Pupil funding being the most important."

Ethics exam cheater.

Freind: 'Misspelled, anything helps.'

"Is there any way I could get a dashboard instead of a report card?"

"Is this a 'GOTCHA' question?"

"Here's to non-electric sharpeners."

"Nous somme desir-eh, go, er, allez, erm, universitaire français, s'il vous plait."

'It's basically a good master's thesis, but the word you want is 'serfs,' not 'smurfs.''

"He wants to study bacteria to relate to the counter culture."

'Do years 4, 5 and 6 cover the other foot?'

Math Teacher

Four olives and a toothpick on Newton's Cradle.

"And just how do you expect to become a made man, son, without a solid liberal-arts education?"

"If you do well in your first practicum, you can move on to teaching real children."

"Class, this is David. He's our new financial exchange student."

'People, get a half-life!'

'Child labor laws don't apply to homework, Jimmy.'

'...And you're always complaining about the government's international trade agreements'

"Don't forget the nucleus has mass."

"The battle of Gettysburg? Uh. . . let me check my civil war app."

'I think I have aixelsyd.'

'We don't know what this is called'

'I'm taking the 'learn from my mistakes' approach to education.'

"I don't know about you, but I don't like being a high school guidance counselor."

'This not exactly what I had in mind when I told him about the birds and the bees.'

"Every sixth grade substitute is offered an optional cyanide pill."

K-9 Garten

"And then after high school, I spent twelve years in college and majored in procrastination."

'That's from the last year the data was available.'

'My school has a very strict detention policy.'

'Fortunately, I'm not driven by a deep need for validation.'

'It has cut down on note-passing, glancing at fellow students' test papers and spitballs.'

I will not chew gum in class, even sugarless....