Edu-satirists Gifts

'I'm having trouble with math and science. . . I think I would like superficial praise, lack of accurate feedback and always being called a winner.'

Ethics exam cheater.

'Our admission policy is now simplicity itself. If you have the tuition, you're in.'

Molecular Biology and Cosmology buildings

What do MD and PHD mean? It means the doctor owes a lot of money in student loans.

"Professor, we need you to stop. The Student Union has decided that the earth is flat."

"Of course I failed you — your essay was original and unique and obviously written by a human."

'The reason the core curriculum seems so ambiguous is that we dot really have a core curriculum.'

'I have answers to the kind of questions no one likes to ask.'

'We built this city on Rock 'n' Roll, yeah baby. Is not an accurate assessment of our town's history.'

T.S. Eliot lacks the courage to eat a peach.

"And just how do you expect to become a made man, son, without a solid liberal-arts education?"

"The principal has sat in on so many of my classes, I'm thinking of giving him the exam."

"If you do well in your first practicum, you can move on to teaching real children."

"... And don't come back until you're ready to get funny."

'Yes, your papers seem to have lots of citations, but I've checked: They're all self-citations...'

"11th Grade Math for Nincompoops"

"Guess what. School is presented without commercial interruption."

"I wanted to deliver a message of hope and tolerance in a complex global society but I decided to update them on the Kardashians instead."

'If asked, we should all agree that this seminar never happened.'

J.P.Hensmore Superintendent AKA Head Honcho, The Big Guy,The Man, Numero Uno and The Big Cheese.

"I don't know about you, but I don't like being a high school guidance counselor."

'No Mis Evans. You know only substitute teachers are allowed to carry taser guns!'

"I wish every teacher came with a warning label."

"When I said my teacher had no class I meant class was canceled."

'A restaurateur prepares macaroni and sells it as pasta. I want you to do the same for the educational program at your school.'

"Every sixth grade substitute is offered an optional cyanide pill."

'Too many students taking Mickey Mouse subjects.'

"I try to keep my classes relevant."

'Trevor, it's some gentlemen to see you about your student loan.'

'I didn't exactly write the article, but...well, I didn't exactly do the research either.'

'I wish you had chosen a more pertinent educational issue than 'Do Dogs Actually Eat Homework?''

'We need a biology instructor, Darwin, and you're the natural selection.'

Cash For Places - Penbroke College

"Maybe school's a good thing... I mean...where else do hundreds of people with similar backgrounds come together under one roof...all following a daily routine...with guidance and supervision to better themselves and society? Ya know...besides prison?"