Edu-satirists Pillows

'I'm having trouble with math and science. . . I think I would like superficial praise, lack of accurate feedback and always being called a winner.'

Ethics exam cheater.

'Our admission policy is now simplicity itself. If you have the tuition, you're in.'

Molecular Biology and Cosmology buildings

What do MD and PHD mean? It means the doctor owes a lot of money in student loans.

"Of course I failed you — your essay was original and unique and obviously written by a human."

"Professor, we need you to stop. The Student Union has decided that the earth is flat."

'The reason the core curriculum seems so ambiguous is that we dot really have a core curriculum.'

'We built this city on Rock 'n' Roll, yeah baby. Is not an accurate assessment of our town's history.'

'I have answers to the kind of questions no one likes to ask.'

T.S. Eliot lacks the courage to eat a peach.

"And just how do you expect to become a made man, son, without a solid liberal-arts education?"

"The principal has sat in on so many of my classes, I'm thinking of giving him the exam."

"If you do well in your first practicum, you can move on to teaching real children."

"... And don't come back until you're ready to get funny."

'Yes, your papers seem to have lots of citations, but I've checked: They're all self-citations...'

"11th Grade Math for Nincompoops"

"Guess what. School is presented without commercial interruption."

'If asked, we should all agree that this seminar never happened.'

J.P.Hensmore Superintendent AKA Head Honcho, The Big Guy,The Man, Numero Uno and The Big Cheese.

"I try to keep my classes relevant."

"I wish every teacher came with a warning label."

"Every sixth grade substitute is offered an optional cyanide pill."

"When I said my teacher had no class I meant class was canceled."

'No Mis Evans. You know only substitute teachers are allowed to carry taser guns!'

"I don't know about you, but I don't like being a high school guidance counselor."

'A restaurateur prepares macaroni and sells it as pasta. I want you to do the same for the educational program at your school.'

'Trevor, it's some gentlemen to see you about your student loan.'

'I didn't exactly write the article, but...well, I didn't exactly do the research either.'

'I wish you had chosen a more pertinent educational issue than 'Do Dogs Actually Eat Homework?''

'We need a biology instructor, Darwin, and you're the natural selection.'

'Think Basics.'

'Can I go home now, before I get overeducated?'

"Maybe school's a good thing... I mean...where else do hundreds of people with similar backgrounds come together under one roof...all following a daily routine...with guidance and supervision to better themselves and society? Ya know...besides prison?"