Editorial Humorist Gifts

'Celebrity autobiography editing'

Open mike night presents Sadie Cohen. Summer's almost over

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

"Damn - another letter to the editor."

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

"Well, at least it's an improvement from last night."

"A whack, whack here. A whack, whack there. Here a whack, there a whack. Everywhere a whack, whack."

"Eww - that whale's breath smells awful!" "You could use a breath mint yourself, lady!"

Grim Reaper Buying CDs...

The Forbidden Joyce Kilmer

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

"...You talking to me? Well, I'm the only one here... You talking to me?!" "Narcissus De Niro"

'Ms Simpson, I believe I've finally done it. I've written the Great American Memo.'

Meet the author - celebrity autobiographies,

"William Blake said you can see the whole world in a grain of sand, but he doesn't always make a lot of sense."

' It's a bit of an anti climax - I've washed it but I can't go any where ! '

'I'm no expert, but I think we're a little behind when it comes to the latest industry technology.'

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

Local rock claims to have been muse for Emily Dickinson poem "I'm that 'little stone' honest to goodness!"

'I know my resume makes me seem overtrained, but I really wasn't paying attention.'

"He's very disciplined about his writing, every morning he stares at the keyboard for at least 4 hours before he allows himself a cup of tea!"

'We like your style, but hate your substance.'

It's an autobiography of a guy who spent his whole life trying to get his first @#^& book published. Editor.

Kultural K9's.

'I'll be a responsible and mature asset to the company, as proven by the lack of asinine photos of me on Facebook.'

'Mom, Dad... we found out that in a previous life, Sheila was a dog and I was a tree. That's why we decided to marry to continue this promising relationship!'

"I see you also took the road less travelled!"

'Neither a lender nor a borrower be.'

Tolstoy and Dostoevsky plan a collaboration - 'War and Punishment'... it'll make us a bundle.

T.S. Eliot lacks the courage to eat a peach.

"Pendleton, as of noon today your services will no longer be required. Meanwhile, keep up the good work."

'Friends, lab rats, country mice, lend me your ears...'

Experience is important, so I'm inclined to leave questions of ethics to those who have them.

Hamlet in the craft shop.