Editorial Humorist Pillows

'Celebrity autobiography editing'

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

"Damn - another letter to the editor."

The Forbidden Joyce Kilmer

"Eww - that whale's breath smells awful!" "You could use a breath mint yourself, lady!"

Grim Reaper Buying CDs...

"A whack, whack here. A whack, whack there. Here a whack, there a whack. Everywhere a whack, whack."

"Well, at least it's an improvement from last night."

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

"...You talking to me? Well, I'm the only one here... You talking to me?!" "Narcissus De Niro"

'Ms Simpson, I believe I've finally done it. I've written the Great American Memo.'

Local rock claims to have been muse for Emily Dickinson poem "I'm that 'little stone' honest to goodness!"

"William Blake said you can see the whole world in a grain of sand, but he doesn't always make a lot of sense."

'I'm no expert, but I think we're a little behind when it comes to the latest industry technology.'

' It's a bit of an anti climax - I've washed it but I can't go any where ! '

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

Meet the author - celebrity autobiographies,

'I know my resume makes me seem overtrained, but I really wasn't paying attention.'

"He's very disciplined about his writing, every morning he stares at the keyboard for at least 4 hours before he allows himself a cup of tea!"

'We like your style, but hate your substance.'

'Mom, Dad... we found out that in a previous life, Sheila was a dog and I was a tree. That's why we decided to marry to continue this promising relationship!'

'Neither a lender nor a borrower be.'

"I see you also took the road less travelled!"

Kultural K9's.

Tolstoy and Dostoevsky plan a collaboration - 'War and Punishment'... it'll make us a bundle.

T.S. Eliot lacks the courage to eat a peach.

"Pendleton, as of noon today your services will no longer be required. Meanwhile, keep up the good work."

'Friends, lab rats, country mice, lend me your ears...'

Experience is important, so I'm inclined to leave questions of ethics to those who have them.

Encyclopedic Novel Slam.

Hamlet in the craft shop.