Edgy Entertainment Enthusiast Pillows

"I knew it was time to get dark and edgy way before 'Batman' and 'Twin Peaks.'"

"If the following programme doesn't turn you on, you may find it OFFENSIVE."

'I'd explain how the TV, VCR, DVD, surround sound home entertainment system works...but I don't know.'

Job Vacancy: Human cannonball. Applicants must of the right calibre

Reese Witherspoon

'Would you like you steak WITH or WITHOUT a capella?'

"Spoiler alert! I'm about to tell you the part that really bugged me about 'Wolverine.'" "You don't have to say 'spoiler alert,' minion. It's been a month." "Anyone who hasn't seen it yet has not fulfilled their role as a dutiful consumer, and deserves whatever spoilage they will receive." "In fact, let me know who they are and I'll enter them into my database. When the corporatist revolution comes, there will be consequences." "Um... never mind."

The deadly sport of cobra staring contests.

Hairy men taking advantage of the laser tag/laser hair removal combo package.

"Maybe you set it up wrong."

Showing off the good china 3-7 pm.

"Forget the harps, we can spend Eternity in there."

"We can stop entertaining ourselves now, Ian."

'Looks like everyone has FINALLY gone home.'

Lady throws dart to decide which soap opera she's going to watch.

Starvation Watching

'Another balloon animal? And who do you think ends up taking care of these?'

Frank's bar & grill & jukebox & pool table & chairs & bathroom & mechanical bull & tables & karaoke machine & drinking fountain & lamps & fire extinguisher & doors & floors...

'It's nice, but I wish we could get more than one channel.'

'Just remember, he's bigger, but you're funnier. As soon as he starts laughing, you've got him!'

Maps to the homes of guys with friends who know some of the limo drivers of the personal trainers of the stars.

John Barth wrote "Everyone is necessarily the hero of his own life story." That he did, little buddy. But what if a person spends most of his life watching tv, films, Youtube, Instagram, Facebook, etc? What if my -- I mean, this person's -- life story is watching other people's life stories? Does that make other people the hero of this person's story? Sometimes I don't know where I end and Kanye begins. That'd be somewhere around Kim Kardashian.

"Dad, my web toon characters can't be normal! They have to be stereotyped crazies who are totally abnormal!"

"If you get married at the Grammy Awards, can your marriage be annulled at the Country Music Awards?"

"I'm putting you on country music."

"You'll regret saying that, I'll get my own back in tomorrow's performance - you'll never work again!"

'I want my lectures to have entertainment value.'

"Lets watch a martial arts movie."

"I'm just not in an Australian-movie mood, O.K.?"

'I hope this DVD has some worthwhile in-front-of-the-scenes content.'

'I didn't expect to have remote controls here.'

"This is what I call a home entertainment centre."

"Two questions: What time are the guests arriving, and do you still want me to slice the pepperoni?"

"We can deliver it Tuesday. If no one's home, we'll just slip it under the door."

Piers Morgan.