Ecological Epicure T-Shirts

"I can't hurry when ordering. There's a lot of ecological geopolitics involved here."

The wonderful world of cheese.

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

Wendy likes horses...and she is a keen cook.

The Origins of Everything

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

"May I recommend our Seared Filet with Lobster Cream Sauce? It's very photogenic."

"You arrived as bottom-feeders, but you shall leave as bottom-gourmands."

Odysseus returns to the Laundromat

" . . . and white, not yellow. Block, not shredded. Aged, but not too aged that it doesn't slice well."

'Leeks can disappoint you and garlic will break your heart, but only onions make you cry.'

"You may not know this, but I've become quite the wine expert."

Waiter: 'Your Tossed salad Ma'am.'

"It's the Chef Surprise."

'Frank, it's water.'

"May we see something from local hydroponically grown grapes aged in casks made from non-endangered trees?"

The four basic food groups: Dry, Moist, Biscuit, Bone.

A single man can be seen through the front window of the "ME Only Restaurant".

"Well, I don't care if it is some kind of fancy-schmancy restaurant...if I want ketchup, I'm gonna get ketchup!"

'My doctor said I'm digging my own grave with a spoon and fork. It'll take longer if I use only a fork.'

"Putting a steak, chicken wings and potato chips on a salad kind of negates the eating healthy concept."

'I'll leave it entirely to you...as long as it's a red...for exactly $20...from Napa...made from Merlot...2006 vintage...'

"What's good here?"

"Best served at street temperature, delicious served with dustbin chipsor gutter squashed, half eaten kebab..."

Treat at the Colinderies.

"Excuse me for a moment. I have to go and refinance this dinner bill."

"I don't know about your oil, but the goulash you're cooking in your crankcase looks done."

'With my new ishell, I can get sounds from 7 oceans and closing market prices from the pacific rim, New York, Europe. . .'

'You've really outdone yourself this time, dear! That was the best dirt I've eaten in a long time!'