Eco-conscious Foodies Gifts

I want to buy green. I've got a checklist. Ok. Are they grown without pesticides? Yes. Trees. From local farms? Yes. And raised free-range? I believe that's your Christmas dinner.

'I want to make a positive environmental statement - What do you suggest I order?'

'Nowadays we want all our food to be ethically sourced, Personally I'd be happy if it was all chocolated sauced,'

'We'll never be able to eat it all before it spoils -- how about a rabbit or something instead?'

"Mom, I'm at work – let me call you back after I finish stocking milk for wealthy vegans who like beet juice in their meat alternatives so they can still get that bloody effect when cooking without guilt."

The candy house, if the tale of Hansel and Gretel would happen today.

'We have Vanilla, Chocolate and Strawberry on your choice of Cedar, Oak or Elm cone...'

Civilized Salmon

"Can I get this to go in an organic, locally recycled, eco-friendly doggie bag?"

"All our donuts are hand fried in what will eventually become biofuel."

Recycling bottle bank.

Vegetarian Nightmare.

"I can't hurry when ordering. There's a lot of ecological geopolitics involved here."

Stuffing the turkey.

"Geoffrey's seasonal. I'm regional."

"You had me at alternative milk."

'Fish has mercury, meat has e-coli, veggies have pesticides, desserts cause obesity...so we'll have the health-concious nothing for dinner' special.'

Eat Locally - All Roadkill From 8-Mile Radius

'I'm writing a vegetarian cook book.'

"Our vegan dishes are the same as what cows eat: Nitrates, Pesticides, Ammonia, Antibiotics..."

"Nothing is organic, local or sustainable. Now, can we get started?"

The Authentic Christmas.

'We like to keep our supply chain short.'

'Would you like that organic, locally grown, carbon neutral, fair trade, trans fat-free, sugar-free, gluten-free and peanut-free?'

"Yes, I'm sure some child in Brussels won't starve if you eat his sprouts."

All our servers are locally caught from a sustainable source — the actors' academy across the street.

What's not to like? They're cheap, tasty adn don't destroy the Rain Forest.

'No - we really don't cater for vegans, even our salad dressing is made from sperm oil!'

"Would you care to see a YouTube of your chicken when it was free ranging?"

'Could I have the traditional Christmas dinner but without meat or dairy and could guarantee it's organic and GM free.'

"I'm getting subtle hints of chlorophyll."

Man rolling the world across a shaky bridge between organic food and genetic food.

"Strictly organic ingredients section or Russian roulette with genetically modified foods section?"

O'Malley's Pub. Special: Cloned Beef and Cabbage. Is nothing sacred anymore?

"The insect menu is very popular nowadays."