Eccentric Decorators Pillows

"The previous tenant was a bit of a shut-in."

"Don't worry about your purchase not working. Everything we sell here is totally non-functional."

Turd - 'It's one of a kind.'

"I went with weirdness over quantity this year."

The Dandy

There's a Facebook group for everyone... "Even Toilet Paper Mummies!"

'On today's market a property like this could fetch 175k... but with themed rooms, stone cladding, avocado bathroom suite and garden gnomes, you're talking closer to 95..!'

"I'm outside the fancy dress shop...."

Crap others threw out

'I'm sorry, but there's nothing in the zoning regulations covering bad taste.'

Hedgehog living in filing cabinet.

'He swallowed some of his acrylic paints and now he's artsy fartsy.'

Buider, "How crazy do you want this paving, mad,or completely wacko?"

'And here's the crown jewel of the collection. It's an '86, totally organic, and the UK Bag Manufacturers' Association rates it a 99.'

'My boss collects stupid hats, Is yours for sale?'

'This elusive self-portrait of the artist is perhaps his most famous work. It was purchased, by the museum, for one hundred and ninety million dollars and is now valued at 900 million dollars...'

"Derek has re-invented himself."

Wallpaper Bouguet

"Love the exposed chessboard."

'It's from my strange-but-not-as-strange-as-I-am-now period.'

Rich Man with Lawn Mower followed by Maid with Hoover.

Furniture faux pas: The coffee table coffin

Fashionista

"No, it's not a religion or a cult. It's a fashion statement."

"Why can't you just read in bed?"

If clothes make the man make sure yours don't make you into a twat.

"The only problem with Heaven is there's nowhere to hang stuff."

'An optician was having a closing down sale...I got the last pair!'

'Innovation is a way of life with him.'

"I collect fridge magnets that look like little fridges."

Sketchy Neighborhood

"And, finally, I can put this charming toy plane on the dress because I am Ungaro."

'Thanks for coming in . ..now I can finish that ankle bracelet I'm working on.'

"Look what I found. You wouldn't believe the things that people throw out."

"That's Julian you can hear, he's really arty-farty this evening"