Eccentric Counselor Enthusias Gifts

Fakir Shrink.

'...I already have 26 cats, why not 27...'

"I'm not weird I'm a 'person of weirdness'."

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

Use your imagination.

"I recommend that you two find a way to spice up your shelf life."

'Mona Lisa, would it make you happy if I gave you a foot massage every night?'

There's a Facebook group for everyone... "Even Toilet Paper Mummies!"

"There! Now we're getting somewhere."

Blend Schools

"Pat's independently wealthy and dependably entertaining."

Personal Relationship Counsellor

'Typical bloody man, you've no idea what loyalty means...it's just self, self...self!'

"The words 'complete screwball' are not in my vocabulary."

'So, when did you first realise that you fancied me rotten?'

'He swallowed some of his acrylic paints and now he's artsy fartsy.'

'My wife doesn't understand me.'

'I know we're supposed to be Lovebirds, but a bit of privacy from time to time would be nice...'

'It's not just his insane jealousy - he also insists on choosing all my clothes.'

Flatware Follies.

'It's all right. You're allowed to get up on this couch.'

'I thought being married to a rodeo clown would be more fun.'

"Why can't you just read in bed?"

The Haroplane

'Ah, Baker! Still the company's lone voice in the wilderness, I see!'

"Come at me, Bro!"

"Does anyone second the motion to make family meetings more informal?"

"Instead of careful interpretation of the prose, maybe try pronouncing even the most basic words like an insane person?"

"What are you doing?"

Lighting a Pipe

"He's nuts. She's nuts. All three young ones are nuts. The dog is nuts. And the old lady upstairs is nuts, too."

'There's nothing physically wrong. It needs a psychiatrist.'