Easy-way-out Expert Gifts

"Yeah, but that one's a little bit hard to reach."

"Stepping on the gown never works. They run faster without it."

"Since being semi-retired everything I do is half-assed."

"Haven't you wondered why I live about 50 years longer thank you?"

"Looks like our days at the think tank are numbered."

'So far, sir, we've rejected plans A,B, C, D, E, F, and right now we're evaluating'G'.'

"You bring up an important concern, but I'm looking for a problem that better fits my preconceived solution."

"We've had to introduce measures lately to stop the entomology department from knocking off early on a Friday."

Dept. of Mathematics and Frustration.

"You know me. Never criticize,always optimize. The eternal Ms. Masking Tape."

Visiting 'friends'.

"Tell me about a time you identified a problem that others didn't see coming."

'Don't give up Albert - one of these cans has to have tuna in it!'

The Eternal Battle Over Who Is More Tired

'Our cries of Armageddon were completely ignored, so let's just keep throwing money at the economy.'

"What factors influenced your decision to use this particular exit?"

This stuff fixes things at home, why not here?

This is the shortcut!

"We're sending you on special assignment to analyze our shipping problems."

"Don't over think it. Just go with your beer gut."

"Stan used to be a motivational speaker but then the kids finally moved out."

"The black flies go away when the mosquitoes show up."

'Yes - He's armed.'

"I'm leaving early, before mission creep takes over."

'While we appreciate your hard work Eddie, I think we are going to have to go a different direction with this position.'

Black belts in the ancient art of avoidance

'Sorry I'm late. Couldn't find a parking space so I crashed into the building.'

"If this meeting becomes too heated, we'll create a distraction...like running out the door."

'Gee, no — we were hoping you'd have the solution to all our problems.'

'Next time you lose your keys, lets call a locksmith instead of blow torching the door.'

"I'm really in the mood for a good drama tonight."

Express Lane - Eat this.

"Scott sent me an email. He's locked in the bathroom and he can't get out. Should I type in 411?"

COUNCIL OF ECONOMIC ADVISORS, 'Really? -- I heard the same theory from MY barber.'

"How long did your mom make you sit in a corner?"