Earthquake Survivor Humorist Pillows

Is it just me, or have there been a lot of earthquakes lately? I haven't noticed. How could you not notice earthquakes? We've had about a dozen of them in the last few months, usually at night. That would explain it: Randy "The Rock" Taylor comes from a long line of heavy sleepers. Light-sleeping is for the indecisive. In 1819, Washington Irving based a story on my ancestor Rufus "The Rock" Taylor. But he had to change the title from "Rip Van Rockle" when Rufus demanded royalties. I wake up seve

'Well, there's something you don't see every day'

"You overwatered the plant, again."

"Ya know, that cork was there for a reason."

"Find out who's got the licensing rights for this Armageddon thing and get them on the phone - quickly."

Suez Canal Curse

"Hurry up and make a wish. Your cake's in there."

Fish: 'WHOA,Gesundheit!' / A Fish has sneezed out all of his scales

'Pretend you don't notice San Andreas.'

Paramedics carrying a man away after his dinner.

"OK, now here comes the lava."

'You called a plumber!'

"Has anyone seen my therapist?"

'Mr. President, our scientist say that the earthquake was caused by an unnamed fault in the Earth's crust.', 'Excellent! -- We'll call it 'Bush's Fault.''

Luck

'Every school has a class clown.'

'As a kid, whenever I was at a petting zoo, I got bit, butted and stomped on.'

One of Indonesia's most feared Volcanoes: The mighty 'Kraka-toe-a'.

'Phew, now, where can i plug my mobile in?'

"Yes you successfully removed the trip hazard, but with hindsight..."

'. . . If you need immediate help with the floods I understand Mrs Miggins at No. 9 has a canoe!'

Flood victims see travel agent's advertising Venice

'Pretend you don't notice San Andreas.'

'Well, this is embarrassing.'

"No arguments. You've got an interview tomorrow and you need to be really smart."

Please Don't Ask...

Forest Fire Hazard

You're so lucky, my stripes make me look fat.

"You have a very long fault line. That's why your hands are trembling."

'You're a little overweight.'

Octopus Manicure.

'What'

'Water? What's that? I've never heard of it!'

"He gets cranky if I don't fill in my timesheet every week, and believe me, you don't want to get him cranky!"

Of all the days to sleep in!