Earthquake Safety Pillows

"Earthquake? You need Tracy Island, this is Tracy Emin Island."

A young Don King

Another long day down at the Bureau of Earthquake Prediction.

Clyde thought “Atomic Sparklers” was just an ad gimmick

"I'm going to need a little more for the root cause than, who'da thunk."

"And you're certain these are accidents?"

Man using to much bug spray

'Dewey! Grandpa's stuck again. Give him a couple of whacks upside the head.'

"Chaplain, the lord should put warning labels on some of his creations."

Unpopular Street Signs: Road Work Behind, Speed Jump Ahead, Good Luck, Slow Distracted Adults.

'I guess my brain just started to really care about itself.'

On the brink.

'I'm afraid that serves you right for not wearing your safety goggles!'

"It's not the first time he'd been warned about wearing a long tie when leaning over the shredder."

Kangaroo mom to child, 'We're not going anywhere until you buckle-up, young man.'

"Jimmy, I want you to meet our new safety officer."

'Hon? Did your phone go dead? Hello?'

'Well, you got the dog to protect you against criminals. Perhaps now you'll have to hire a criminal to protect you from the dog.'

Caution: Driver Watching "Hard Copy"

"Could you all please pay attention while I go through the emergency procedure. . ."

Baby on board.

"Did you bring any protection with you?"

Two people in hazmat suits lie in bed

"They retired me. Just like that. Seems I'm no good over 55 mph anymore." "How does that make you feel?" "Like I want to bash my head against a wall!"

"Why don't you start with tennis balls?!"

'It was going well - until his power suit short-circuited.'

"I've had it with the helmet mandates."

'No, this metal stress can't be fixed with liberal doses of antidepressants.'

'I'm lost, did you happen to see a lady without a boy like me ?'

"Helmet, check. Harness, check. Knee and elbow pads, check. You may now push the swing."

Driving on the Beach - Lifeguard on a hydraulic lift.

Reasonableman

"The crash-test rating on this puppy is off the charts!"

'Mind how you cross the ocean.'

"Have your parents sign this waiver concerning violations of personal space. . . then you guys can play tag."