Ear Whisper Gifts

'I have this constant ringing in my ears. I think I have tinnitus.' - 'Does it sound like an 'eeeeeee' or a 'shhhhh'?' - 'It's like the murmer of a thousand forgotten souls quietly lamenting past sorrows.' - 'Hmmm. I don't have a checkbox for that, sadly.

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

'Well, it's your fault for wearing my slippers.'

Books: Novels, Short-Stories, Tall Tales.

"Quick, start the car!"

Dog Dreams

If a bunch of crazy red headed clowns come out that door...Run like you've never ran before!

"I know it’s an issue, and we’re working on it in therapy."

"This prognosis is positive, you've got a cold nose."

'Cat or dog?' - 'A little of both.'

"It was years ago, for a nature documentary, and they said it was going to be very artistic."

"Oh well, I guess I'm lucky that he's not a duck hunter."

'You know too much!'

"I forsee you will have a better chance of winning the lottery than growing your testicles back."

'Boy, watch out for that pursestring suture!'

'Don't bite it.I have to check Daddy next.'

"If you could just get rid of the split ends, that will be fine."

"Would you please step into the garage? Your car and I need to have a word with you."

"That is an outrageous slur."

"I don't know about you, but it always makes me feel kinda special."

"Looking at you, the moon and beyond, don't you think we could start a blog?"

'Oh Darling, you must be so proud: Your first wart!'

'The forest is so dark and gloomy: It's nice to reach the emergence and get a bit of sunshine...'

'Humans are so considerate: They put perches like these for us on every one of their houses...'

"Watch out, Simone's hangry - her stomach AND her throat are growling."

"She likes to be included, so I told her the tea is called 'Squirrel Grey.'"

"...and that growl has turned many a hunter into vegetarians!"

"Do you like it better when I go to the F or the Dm?"

"That's it, Tom. Here they come. Just keep playing 'Freebird.'"

'Can you play something the dog doesn't know?'

Sign in Lion Enclosure: 'Please Don't Eat the People.'

"Look. They say sit, you sit. They say roll over, you roll over. Where's the prob?"

"Hm, still sky high. Let's try the other arm."

'Polly wants a cracker! Fetch!'

Mystery Solved - Boxers or Briefs, 'Thanks but you could have just told me.'