E-sign Explorer Pillows

'Please tell me these are NOT the outcome of the e-procurement for the new signs contract!'

Teacher pointing to P,Q, on board: "OK class, which letter comes next? Redbeard, you should know this."

"Thanks for walking a mile in my shoe but it's beginning to hurt now."

'No swimming. No breathing.'

"Sign my yearbook?"

Man sees sign as he exits bathroom: 'Employees Often Wash Hands'.

'Charlotte's Website' ('The children's book classic rewritten for the electronic era!')

Wishing Well, Wishing Good.

'Nurse, why is there always a fly in my ointment?'

No Immediate Danger

Sign in Lion Enclosure: 'Please Don't Eat the People.'

"Didn't you just say that?"

"It's great to see Biff; Socksie the cat is out of the bag..."

Glass and Porcelain Store: Elephants must remain outside.

"It's an honest mistake I'm sure we'll never hear of again."

Yes, That Was The Exit

'It's almost as if they knew!'

"I won't be in today, I'm feeling a little under the coffee table."

Test your patience, back in one hour.

The Elephant in the Womb

'You always talk about robbing Peter to pay Paul, but you never mention Mary.'

'... Going once...going twice...aaaand--sold! To the gentleman in the front row for a thousand words.'

'Let's cut right through to the heart of the matter.'

"You scratch my back, I'll scratch your is just a figure of speech, Ned. A little left, and higher."

"My mom is a vegetarian, so she doesn't bring home the bacon. She brings home kale and quinoa."

"Pride, Covetousness, Lust, Anger, Gluttony, Envy..."

"Oh boy, by the way this guy is moving, we can assume he's got some of our friends in his pants..."

'Ere-we distinctly asked for SAM an' Ella!'

Museum of Natural Cliches

Oh yeah! It does echo when you moo very loudly!

"This is a duet yourself project."

'Better buy one now - before they make them too big to fit into your house.'

Confused drivers

"If you want my opinion you're damned if you do and damned if you don't."