E-commerce Enthusiast's Best Buddy Gifts

'I think you are taking this elevator pitch way too literally'.

'We've financed three more startups for no fathomable reason.'

"I hope you're not going to let this I.P.O. affect your grades."

'Bread, milk, cereal, sugar, sausage, potatoes, beans, biscuits. Click! So easy, but I do miss the sexy till lady.'

Online Shopping.

"Let's go back to our cabana, get into bed and shop online."

Gerald Ratner's return

'Tom will coordinate our pre-holiday point-of-purchase displays and Mark will coordinate our post holiday point-of-return displays.'

"We just got our online schooling exam results..."

What if retail stores behaved like websites?

'We're e-bankrupt.'

John Lee Dotkomm palys the 'Broker's Blues

"Before we made the leap to cyberspace, our stockholders made us promise we'd maintain a traditional street presence, too!"

Terms and conditions

"I need a pitchfork that's just a pitchfork."

Black Friday - the day the retailer is crucified

"Our website design could be described as "organic"... in the sense that people often compare it to poop."

'I know it's the truth, but on this promo for our site, do you think we should use the promo code 'desperation?''

"I got it from eBay."

"We can now shop for, purchase and crash our new car online."

"What burns my bottom about www.dazoosucks.com is that we capitalized them."

"When you order your dictator from Temu"

Internet Shoplifting

'A penny for my thoughts. Now accepting all major credit cards.'

"You get one every time you order something online."

"Aren't you glad we stayed in? I had time to order us some more sweatpants."

'Your presentation on the advantages of e-commerce would've been better had it not been for the use of the word 'dude' 183 times.'