Dynamic Duo Enthusiast Pillows

'How come when I like the wife, you don't like the husband? . . . Sigh. We'll never have friends.'

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

"She just takes things too seriously in our relationship."

"Whoa. Someone needs their diaper changed."

Lady asking her fiance's son if she can be his new mother.

"Ultimately, we realized we share too many app subscriptions not to make it work."

"Ours will be the first mixed marriage in my family. Dog people NEVER marry cat people."

"All I ask is a chance to ruin my life in my own way."

"I'm so sorry that I screamed...I had a terrible dream: the kids had to leave college and live with us again...Oh, Ed, it was horrible!"

"Well that's the last of our offspring gone - let battle commence."

"Listen, that's a Tang Dynasty urn we just broke."

"I thought you'd take up something like gardening in your retirement, not parkour."

"Jeremy and I are so in sync, we finish each other's tweets."

"Encouraging dissent is a good way of finding out who the traitors are."

'Just wait till it's my turn to make long-term care decisions for you!'

Home Business - Printer Ink.

"Of course, you've always set a good example for me ... that's why you embarrass me so much."

'You don't need separate bedrooms. You need separate computers.'

'The only thing we have in common anymore is the kids are driving us both nuts!'

'Are you still mad at me for calling you a creep in my letter to 'Dear Abby'?'

How about swapping wives for the day?

Bartlett's Expanded Quotations

"I'm Roberto, and I'll be your waiter this evening. This is Carl. He's in charge of portion control."

"Go ask your mother."

'Ask your other father.'

Sex Equality

'You click on it and it sends you to 'Ask Your Father do com'.'

"Holiday time around our house is a nightmare."

"It's a new signal to specify that we don't need Robin."

'I've always thought they were up to something whenever we're gone'

'We're a team - he walks the walk, and I talk the talk!'

'I'm a mover and my wife is a shaker -- it works out.'

Dynamic decision makers - Will probably be back in an hour or so.

Herbert can't read, Janice can't jump, but together they can rule the world!