Drug Counselor Gifts

'David, I want you tested for steroids.'

'Who's been eating my crystal meth?'

Just Say No To Drugs

"I used to be a successful police drug dog, until I started snorting instead of sniffing."

"My granddaughter's first words to me were 'OK, Boomer.' I have no idea what that even means."

"Tell me about this fear of couches."

"Soul searching? Yes, you could call it that."

'I have this fear of the real world...'

Kiosk in large lobby with sign above it labeled 'Empathy'.

'My name's Google and I'm being inundated with requests for information about every damn thing imaginable, by people I don't even know...It's endless!'

'...I already have 26 cats, why not 27...'

'Look, you can only do so much!'

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

'The BOSS sent me down to help rebuild your faith.'

'The meaning of communinication is the response we get'

"I dunno, I guess I just don't believe in myself anymore."

Licensed Therapist

'You've got bats alright...now we'll just have to determine what kind.'

"This is nice … let’s not hop again tomorrow."

"My emotional support dog ate my comfort food."

"Have you tried binge-watching a show together?"

America, are we learning anything?

"In lieu of a pre-nup we decided just to label everything."

Bob had to confront his fear of butterflies.

"I invited a few friends over who think you should see a psychiatrist."

"I bought it off the therapist who's helping me kick my compulsive shopping disorder."

"No, of course there isn't, 'one law for the rich and another for the poor'... There's no law for the poor."

'Do you think it might be possible that what you wear could be a contributing factor to your relationship problems?'

'The iceman cometh too soon!'

"Stepping on the gown never works. They run faster without it."

"At times I wonder what I've done with my life that makes me worth being saved."

Facts of life - The birds and the dogs.

"And you're certain these are accidents?"

Support group therapy for male black widow spiders.

Woman and pets with hair sticking straight up all enter Stress Management Clinic.