Drug Counselor T-Shirts

'David, I want you tested for steroids.'

'Who's been eating my crystal meth?'

Just Say No To Drugs

"I used to be a successful police drug dog, until I started snorting instead of sniffing."

"My granddaughter's first words to me were 'OK, Boomer.' I have no idea what that even means."

"Tell me about this fear of couches."

"Soul searching? Yes, you could call it that."

'I have this fear of the real world...'

Kiosk in large lobby with sign above it labeled 'Empathy'.

'Look, you can only do so much!'

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

'...I already have 26 cats, why not 27...'

'The BOSS sent me down to help rebuild your faith.'

Licensed Therapist

"This is nice … let’s not hop again tomorrow."

America, are we learning anything?

"My emotional support dog ate my comfort food."

"I dunno, I guess I just don't believe in myself anymore."

'You've got bats alright...now we'll just have to determine what kind.'

"Have you tried binge-watching a show together?"

"In lieu of a pre-nup we decided just to label everything."

Bob had to confront his fear of butterflies.

"I invited a few friends over who think you should see a psychiatrist."

"No, of course there isn't, 'one law for the rich and another for the poor'... There's no law for the poor."

'The iceman cometh too soon!'

"Stepping on the gown never works. They run faster without it."

"At times I wonder what I've done with my life that makes me worth being saved."

Facts of life - The birds and the dogs.

"And you're certain these are accidents?"

Support group therapy for male black widow spiders.

Woman and pets with hair sticking straight up all enter Stress Management Clinic.

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"You do realize I'm going to have to bill you for ten?"

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

"I know it’s an issue, and we’re working on it in therapy."