Counselor T-Shirts

"Lassie! Get help!!"

"Well, I think you're wonderful."

"Could we up the dosage? I still have feelings."

"You're too self-critical."

"There are no bad dogs. Only good dogs who make bad choices."

"Have you ever tried buying lots of stuff?"

"Meow."

"No, a fear of snakes is not unusual, but in your case..."

Learning Curve

'I gotta go - we're discussing my compulsive communicatoins disorder.'

"Look, making you happy is out of the question, but I can give you a compelling narrative for your misery."

"Who cares what little kids think? What's important is that you believe in yourself."

In a Quandary

'I've been clean for six months now.'

The Seven Dwarfs After Therapy

Workaholic Hotline - 'Come on now, you can do it. Just put down those annual reports and slowly back away...'

"Pillows for sleeping on are downstairs. These are all for screaming into."

"It may surprise you to know that, contrary to your experience, you're actually very happily married."

"I don't mind the voices themselves, Doctor. It's the Jersey accents that are driving me nuts."

"They moved my bowl."

"I think that's the last of them!"

Problem/Worry/Avoidance/Anxiety/I'm Fine.

"I feel we're making progress."

"It's just a fact of life that sometimes bad things happen to good cigars."

'You're one tough cookie, Mrs Brinnon. But you do have a few chocolate chips missing.'

"...And how do you feel once you've had a hissy fit."

"These feelings of inadequacy are common among the inadequate."

"Frankly, counselor, I don't care how stressful this is for your client—tell him to get out of that damn yoga position."

"These voices inside your head -- do they ever tell you to pay your bill?"

"I'd say we all have our burrows, Katie. Sure, mine might literally be a hole in the ground... yours might be that inner Katie that nobody really knows."

"I'm just expected to land on my feet."

'My mother was a real bitch!'

"I'll give you 3 to 1 nobody else turns up."

'Feelings of inadequacy, directionless. It's a classic case. You need goals!'

"Look, call it denial if you like, but I think what goes on in my personal life is none of my own damn business."