Alcohol Counselor Gifts

I take a very serious view of drinking and driving.

'So you've come crawling back.' - 'No, I'm drunk.'

Alcohol Problem Advisor - 'How do I mix a Bismark?'

'Socrates, you've been drinking again.'

'You've got bats alright...now we'll just have to determine what kind.'

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

The secret of living happily ever after....Do it alone.

Couples' therapy

Even good cholesterol can develop an unhealthy sports addiction...

"Some advice please...How do I squeeze 9 days work into 5 and still see my family?"

"You can't possibly know how I feel. Everybody likes you."

"I recommend that you two find a way to spice up your shelf life."

"Each order comes with 10 minutes of free guilt counseling."

'Why can't they call it a deer, or a squirrel market?'

'I prefer the term 'whistleblower' to tattletale.'

"Freud doesn't work for you, so I', going to try some Dr. Anthony Fauci..."

'I hate all holidays!'

'The way we met was interesting. I opened my wallet and there she was!'

"You're completely screwed up."

Roland, the schizophrenic cowboy.

'Mona Lisa, would it make you happy if I gave you a foot massage every night?'

"Well..I think the old Thermograph machine I rescued from work goes a treat with our kitchen units."

"I don't know, maybe I'm just being mallowdramatic."

'OK Mr and Mrs Johnson let's spin the wheel and find you a child!'

'You are both charged with quarrelling without a license!'

"I just feel like I'm constantly disappointing parents everytime I appear on report cards."

'So, what do you want to be when you grow up: rebel scum or loyal servant of the supreme android republic?'

Harvey went to the kitchen to top up his gin and tonic. When he came back, things took an unexpected turn.

' I let you think it's your ides...then I agree with you.'

"You're adopted."

"Maps to stars' rehab centers."

"There! Now we're getting somewhere."

'I see. So what you're saying is that you woke up this morning and your woman had done left you.'

"Have you tried taking long walks?"

'I beleive I have a new approach to psychotherapy, but, like everything else, the FDA tells me it first has to be tested on mice.'