Drive Avoider Gifts

'It's not flying I'm afraid of -- it's driving to the airport!'

Crowded Ice Fishing

'I beat the 5 o'clock rush... I leave work at noon!'

No need to be concerned, madam! I'm wrapped in cotton wool!

"Mummy said dinner was brussels sprouts tonight. What about we drop by the park and see if the old man sitting on the bench can feed us instead?"

"You couldn't just stop and ask directions, could you?"

'Here are the safety manuals you wanted'

Sawdust.

"It's great things are back to normal, except that there are people everywhere."

The life-changing magic of shoving everything into a huge Hefty bag and leaving it for somebody else to deal with.

"I still haven't cleaned up from the party."

Big bumpers.

L.A.: Still No Pro Football

Wow, look what you've stepped in: Boy I'm glad I'm not the one having to lick it off...

'As a bachelor I have to wash my own clothes, clean my own room. The do it all again three months later.'

D.I.Y ladder

"They hired a cat to distract them from thoughts of change."

There's leftover apple crisp! Whoever finishes it up, please clean the baking dish. Hey! It's not finished!!

Danger Signs.

'You can't avoid death...You can't avoid taxes...and you can't avoid having your name on computerized mailing lists.'

"Don't tell the boss, but I'm leaving early to beat the traffic."

Oil man gets oil for his car directly from oil well.

'Look, I just expect more from a muse.'

We moved to the sea to get away from the crowd, only to find they'd moved to the sea.

'Been coming here for years and never bumped into anyone who knows me . . . weird!'

"Gah! Too many people!"

"But this is the way we've always done it."

How to Tell when You're Asking for Directions from a NASCAR Fan: 'Make a left, then hang a left, take another left followed by a left...'

'I went to the city once, but I couldn't get used to the crowds'.

Driving Test Centre: Letters and Bribes.

We'd like a very public table where she won't break up with me because she's afraid I'll make a scene. Menu. ? ?

Mountaineer finds a computer at the top of the mountain.

"This? Oh it's to catch cyclists who ride on the pavement."

'If you want somewhere quiet and without crowds...I recommend Greece.'

"It says it's sick and tired of telling me to update my software and if I don't do it right now it's going to explode."