Drinks With A Dash Of Philosophy Pillows

'Time? Time's relative.'

'I wasted half my life perched on top of a mountain in the Himalayas. Only to discover that the true meaning of life was a night in watching the box, with a few cans of lager.'

My belief is if you're old enough to take texts, counter-texts, and meta-texts in Western Philosophy, you should be old enough to drink.

"You don't whisper anymore."

Dickens & Tolstoy Walk into a Bar: " . . . so, to make a short story long . . . "

'The secret to life, my friend, is hoppiness!'

"Space is curved and time is relative? Yeah, OK...I'm calling you a cab right now, buddy."

"A sentimental journey of a thousand miles begins with the first martini."

Hello, this is Cable News. Oh. I'm Mortimer Park. As you know, we only have four short years until the next presidential election. So it's time to start asking: Who should run? Whom do you prefer? (A) Al Gore … (B) John Kerry … (C) Marco Rubio … (D) Ted Cruz ... (E) Christ Christie ... House of Java Cybercafe. How about (F) You? Mr. Eugene Yu is actually (T).

"Oh, don't mind that, it's just my body of unseen work."

'That's her second pitcher and she doesn't even like beer - I guess she just likes to pee.'

Buy one beer, get one free. If I may paraphrase a famous quote, "Beer is proof that God has mixed feelings about us and wants us to be hungover."

"How is the dollar trading against the Martini today, Jack?"

'My - You've matured, my dear.'

'Young lady, I'm afraid existential despair is no excuse for not eating your lima beans.'

Quadruple dark hot chocolate. Whoa, everything all right? Sure, yeah, great. I'm a journalist and writer in an era in which the printed word has been totally devalued by free distribution of information on the internet. Can I pay in prose? Point taken.

"I was surprised myself, but living apart, seeing other people, and having virtually nothing to do with each other actually has made our marriage stronger."

'The first cocktail.'

'As soon as I mention Nietzsche - stop serving me, okay.'

Bar Therapy

'Listen, if they didn't have alcohol in heaven, it wouldn't be heaven!'

Continental Drift.

"So, Ben, what do you want to be when you stop sponging off your parents?"

'You're a nihilist, eh? — well, at least you have something to believe in.'

Upside down question mark hanging from fishing line.

''Evening, Bob - the usual?'

...Five ways for the cities-towns to raise money...

Scariest Tactics

"It was very amicable—I gave her everything."

"I can see the green shoots of recovery. The fag butts are getting longer."

"I'll have an entendre...make it a double."

'It's a shame that valuable water gets wasted to wash cars or to take showers. It should be used responsible and for useful purposes only - for example to make whiskey.'

Freud's Bar: Introspection Hour.

'Sometimes I see problems and solutions with such clarity, I feel I've been infused with all the wisdom of the ages... THAT'S when I know I've had too much to drink.'

"i'm trying to remember the type of California white wine but I like, but my mind keeps drawing a blanc."