Cocktail Philosophers Pillows

"What star sign am I?... Well, that depends. My body is Leo, my brain is Taurus, but in my heart I'm a Virgo."

Dickens & Tolstoy Walk into a Bar: " . . . so, to make a short story long . . . "

I've decided to shift down a few gears.'

'Actually, I don't get out much. I spend most of my time alone, writing lyrical novels celebrating nature and the interconnectedness of all living things!'

'My - You've matured, my dear.'

"How is the dollar trading against the Martini today, Jack?"

"I was surprised myself, but living apart, seeing other people, and having virtually nothing to do with each other actually has made our marriage stronger."

'The first cocktail.'

"Wanna get pigeon holed?"

Bar Therapy

"Of course it's not easy to read the body language of someone who's basically inert."

The New Square Mile Regulator.

'No thanks; can't handle caffeine, nicotine, alcohol, or number six birdshot.'

'You're a nihilist, eh? — well, at least you have something to believe in.'

"I unleash greed, disease, and death on the world, and you're saying you ate an apple that made you smart?"

"It's discretionary income but I occasionally use it for indiscretions."

"Oh I don't think it's as bad as all that. In fact, I think we're in the golden age of something which we won't even realize it's the golden age of until many years from now."

"Oh, no! Hugo's tried snorting Pimms"

''Evening, Bob - the usual?'

"It was very amicable—I gave her everything."

Freud's Bar: Introspection Hour.

"I got married once - to avoid writing."

Siggy

'I think it's finally accurate to say that literally everyone is misusing the word 'literally'.'

"I was quite a successful writer once...what sort of books are you interested in?"

'Which one has the highest alcohol content?' 'That one.'

"Everything has been done to death."

'Fill 'er up!'

"I'll have an entendre...make it a double."

"Do you think of yourself as a spiritual person?"

Cat eyes up cocktail olive.

Scariest Tactics

-"For instance, this gin and tonic does not have a single molecule of gin in it!" -"It's from the staff canteen, right!"

"He's your type--gorgeous, successful, and totally unavailable."

"Who am I to question our government's policies? I'll tell you who I am! I'm Bernard A. Nesbitt, who reads the 'Times,' the 'Wall Street Journal,' the 'Post,' 'Newsweek,' 'Time,' 'Business Week,' 'U.S.News & World Report,' 'Look,' 'Life,' and 'Saturday Evening Post.' That's who I am!"