Drinking Humor Fan Gifts

"Look at Ernie. He's so tipsy, he's walking face forward."

A drunk man being told to get up out of the gutter by a policeman

"Better bring me another cookie. The last one fell in the water."

"It better not be any of that over oaked chardonnay."

'The ghost walks this passage every night Monday to Friday. He has weekends off.'

'Taxes are going up, but that's no excuse to earn less, Mr. Syms.'

'The world already ended, but the government hushed it up.'

The Brothers Grime

10 K Tail-Chase

"You see, it's perfectly safe to tease him..."

'Seriously, in this day and age, how can people still believe in this nonsense that we have evolved from microbes...?'

"Consider yourself lucky that you only got a little shaken up in that dryer--socks get lost in that thing and aren't ever seen again.'

'We're going to need to find a scapegoat.'

Trump Poutine

'I really wish you guys would knock that off.'

The Snooze Bar.

"Uh Oh! Jehovah's"

'What did I tell you? There's always a catch to those bargain internet travel fares...'

'We found you in a cabbage!'

In utero...boy, THOSE were the days!

Beer Parasol.

US Credit: 'I'm down grading your credit rating...'

Tequila Mockingbird

'You're supposed to bring the newspaper to ME!'

"Well, you were late and her boyfriend didn't turn up for their wedding, so....."

'Joe has been partying hard!'

'Here, we don't need a retirement plan. If you do your job as we want it, you'll directly go from your desk to hell.'

No, I don

"I fell to the ground from a height of about two metres when I was born: My very first stunt!"

'More government surveillance!'

'You're one of my kids? Really? I'm so sorry, I have so many it's hard to remember them all...'

tRUMp, Pirate President

"My favorite part of the story was when Prince Charming kissed Sleeping Beauty and she totally rebooted."

'Trust me, you're not going to need an alarm clock.'

"For the last time, we never need the route with the fewest turns."