Drill Maestro Gifts

Wife expresses disgust at inappropriate birthday present.

Whats ticking away in YOUR filing system?

"'Well done' lulled him into complacency."

1 Only Smart Hammer Instructions

'It looks suspiciously like Killer Hart is taking a dive!'

War Heros Variety Night (playing a tune on his medals).

Dentist Training School.

'Pictures of your family?'

A grand piano bbq

Musician's Fishing Trip

My army drill instructors license plate is HUP-2-3-4.

"Wow! This car has a continental kit, train horn, smoothed-out firewall, polyurethane bushings and a 2400-CFM fan! I have a long way to go!"

Elwood 'I Can Fix This Myself' McGrunzen

'What's up? She been rearranging your shed again?'

Fishing Music

'Hup, two, three, four! Hup, two, three, four!'

'How about a game of cards?'

'I play heavy metal.'

Military ardour.

'Where are you going, I already locked out that pump.' - 'CARL'S on shift!'

'I know Pasteur didn't work under these conditions, but Pasteur didn't have fifty companies trying to steal his trade secrets.'

Military Parades

"I can't heeear you!"

'Completed the pyramid, eh? Now take it down to the ground.'

Football - How's my Diving?

'Just think, I could be taking you to your bridge game if we had bought that bass boat.'

Think hard soldier! When I threw the practice grenade, did you hear me say 'fetch'?

'I said.. how long were you a DRILL INSTRUCTOR, SIR?'

A Verbal Difficulty

'Your car has failed it's MOT.' - 'Oh, b***ocks.' - 'I'm going to replace your lambda control.' - 'I don't even know what that is...' - 'It's expensive. That's all you need to know. My little blue victim.' - 'Gah.'

Computer Four Hands.

'Welcome to boot camp. You'll be staying in hut two-three-four.'