Dream Watcher Gifts

Debbie attaches her husband to a proprietary dream monitor to make sure he doesn't cheat on her in his sleep.

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

"Let's go watch TV I hear there are bowl games on."

Sign in tree from bird "next appearance 3:00 pm"

Tree house.

"I hate it when the damned things decide they need to get out and burn off some calories."

'According to the weight chart, if you were a condor, you'd have a wingspan of 97 feet.'

"For most people, the sense of panic will be mild."

Spiro & Pusho and the Scavenger.

'For heaven's sake, Lois, when are you going to give up this mad dieting of yours?' (woman falls through drain).

'Och lye the news'

"Wow - Heavy, man"

'Take one of these diet pills every time you regain consciousness.'

Dreams I have had...

'Too many people in our state are overweight, Senator. They want fat-free pork.'

"Did you know he'd joined a squirrel watchers club?"

"Yes, if that towel weighs 25 lbs that would explain the reading."

'Humans seem to be so weight-conscious: My rider weighs himself before each race...'

Angry Squirrel Can't Get to the Bird Table.

'Let me at it! Let me see!!'

Please stand by. As stocks soar, our announcer is having a fit of the giggles.

The 24-Hour Celebrities Doing Something Stupid Channel.

"Hold on, hun... I'm just saying, losing four ounces in a month is better than gaining four ounces in a month!"

'The birdseed's okay. But I just like driving 'em crazy.'

"Would you mind adjusting the vibrate on your phone? There's a seismologist on TV claiming there's been an earthquake in our neighborhood."

Woman Weighing Herself on Two Scales.

"Scientists confirmed today that everything we know about the structure of the universe is wrongedy-wrong-wrong."

'How long has it been shaking like a bowl full of jelly when you laugh?'

'I'm putting you on a 'whatever tastes good, don't eat it' diet.'

'Good. Then there's no reason to stay on this diet any longer.'

High Pants/Low Pants.

Scales

Fat man on scales.