Dosage Detective Gifts

'Look, you've got to stop thinking that one little pill is going to solve all your problems...You need to take at least four, twice a day.'

'I stay trim because of high metabolism. Theirs, not mine.'

'Like death by salad.'

'The dietician told him to increase his roughage!'

Good Cop/Bad Cholesterol

'Nothing impacts my lifestyle choices more than a veterinarian with a scale.'

Critisize your weight.

Secretive Weigh In.

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

"The most I'll splurge on my diet is on a boneless, skinless carrot."

'Good news. Your cholesterol has stayed the same, but the research findings have changed.'

"Here...let me call an expert...someone who knows about these things."

'Um, can I get a FOURTH opinion?'

"You know why they make these straws so big? It's a scam to make you drink fast so you can finish quicker and order more."

'This towel is wet so I'll subtract fourteen pounds.'

'Diet considerations.'

'Ugh, I hate food with preservatives.'

'Do you think I need to eat less. Do you have a book you could recommend to tell me how?'

'Let me at it! Let me see!!'

"If He didn't want us to eat it, why'd He wrap the whole thing in bacon?"

"I'm not sure what's causing your stomachache. But I think it's safe to rule out hunger pains."

'I'm putting you on a 'whatever tastes good, don't eat it' diet.'

Diets: Sweets and Biscuits.

Attack of the 'health' foods

'Come on, eat your spinach.' -' Sorry, I'm on a special diet...No toxic waste.'

Weight Loss Counselor, out for a 400 calorie lunch.

'I need affordable daycare now!'

Mind, Body, Spirit (and Food Court).

'Where do you want to go for breakfast, fancy an Australian or do you want to nip over to Hawaii?'

"Frankly, dear, I think you've been on this paleo diet much too long!"

'Would you like that organic, locally grown, carbon neutral, fair trade, trans fat-free, sugar-free, gluten-free and peanut-free?'

'I have no idea what's wrong with you. I just collect information. My computer makes the decisions.'

'Remember, chew every bite 32 times.'

"Hmm...any dietary restrictions?"

'Are they fat free, low carb, high fibre and organic?'