Dosage Detective Gifts

'Look, you've got to stop thinking that one little pill is going to solve all your problems...You need to take at least four, twice a day.'

'I stay trim because of high metabolism. Theirs, not mine.'

'The dietician told him to increase his roughage!'

'Like death by salad.'

Good Cop/Bad Cholesterol

Critisize your weight.

"The most I'll splurge on my diet is on a boneless, skinless carrot."

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

'Nothing impacts my lifestyle choices more than a veterinarian with a scale.'

Secretive Weigh In.

'Good news. Your cholesterol has stayed the same, but the research findings have changed.'

"Here...let me call an expert...someone who knows about these things."

"You know why they make these straws so big? It's a scam to make you drink fast so you can finish quicker and order more."

'This towel is wet so I'll subtract fourteen pounds.'

'Do you think I need to eat less. Do you have a book you could recommend to tell me how?'

'Diet considerations.'

'Ugh, I hate food with preservatives.'

'Let me at it! Let me see!!'

"If He didn't want us to eat it, why'd He wrap the whole thing in bacon?"

"I'm not sure what's causing your stomachache. But I think it's safe to rule out hunger pains."

'I'm putting you on a 'whatever tastes good, don't eat it' diet.'

Diets: Sweets and Biscuits.

'Come on, eat your spinach.' -' Sorry, I'm on a special diet...No toxic waste.'

Mind, Body, Spirit (and Food Court).

Weight Loss Counselor, out for a 400 calorie lunch.

'Where do you want to go for breakfast, fancy an Australian or do you want to nip over to Hawaii?'

Attack of the 'health' foods

'I need affordable daycare now!'

"Frankly, dear, I think you've been on this paleo diet much too long!"

'Remember, chew every bite 32 times.'

'I have no idea what's wrong with you. I just collect information. My computer makes the decisions.'

'Would you like that organic, locally grown, carbon neutral, fair trade, trans fat-free, sugar-free, gluten-free and peanut-free?'

"Hmm...any dietary restrictions?"

"The chef will accommodate gluten-free requests, but only with a note from your doctor."

'Are they fat free, low carb, high fibre and organic?'