Doorstep Detective T-Shirts

"You're closer. You get it."

"What's that? I asked for a teal lichen. That's a brown thread. Are you trying to upset me?"

"You're sure it was a Northern Bobwhite?"

Man in office, desk covered in computer equipment, uses floor for photos, desk pads etc.

It's a good thing our neighbors don't know what weirdos we are.

"Miss Jenkins, e-mail the housekeeper. Her telecommuting days are over"

Micro and Macro Department,

Don't forget to read the small print.

"Your curriculum vitae is extremely detailed, isn't it? I don't quite know what to make of the fact that your third-grade teacher, Miss Hartley, made you stand in the corner for throwing an eraser although another kid did it."

Jean, bring me everything we've got on gravity.

'She's the worst gossip I've ever come across.'

Those missing socks...where do they go?

"You say in your resume that you're very meticulous."

Devil in the detail

Darlene, my intelligence tells me that your fiance is a slob. What intelligence, Rudy? Surveillance photos – dirty clothes and towels thrown on the floor. Dishes piled up in the sink. That's my Mel? How did you get those? Top-flight government spy methods. House of Java.net Cybercafe.

"I just audited our books. Your register came up five cents short, Rudy."

'Miscellaneous' and 'Non-Miscellaneous' trays

'Talk about paranoid. He reads the fine print on his money.'

"We need to talk about procrastination."

When pedants take a break.

Yesterday you lost your sheep and suddenly, today, Mary next door has a little lamb... Pretty big coincidence is all I'm sayin'.

Forward Planning - The key to Success

"There's food in the fridge, and clues about the state of our marriage all around the house."

The Sleep of Reason Produces Bureaucracy

"I investigated your husband, Mrs Adams. He isn't cheating on you. In fact, I'm your husband. We've just really lost touch recently."

I'm sorry, sir, but the fact-checkers convention isn't until next week. Hotel.

"I noticed he had punched air holes in his desk. Now I'm afraid to open it."

'Curiosity'

Man sees sign on betting shop door listing odds on when the proprietor will come back from lunch.

'In another universe parallel to our own.'

'There's only one piece left. C'mon, we can figure this out.'

"This is probably how they keep getting in."

"Don't let the organized desk fool you. I have no idea where my computer files are."

Old lady spying on the neighbours using a webcam.

Bad Dog!