Doorstep Defender Gifts

"Clear off! Can't you see I'm self-isolating?"

No Soliciting

A Change of Scene.

'Now listen: Based on the position of the kennel and the length of the leash, only the shaded part of the garden is dangerous...'

'You're leaving if I'm going to inject him?...

"Brutus! Attack with reasonable force!"

Dog being carried off by ducks.

'How long did you try before calling?'

"Squeeze a monkey! They've only gone and taken all the blanket again!"

'Oh oh...this isn't my mace, it's whipped cream!'

Man in office fencing with pieces of paper flying about

'Remember not to shirk the paperwork.'

"Bloody cold-callers - I'm gonna give him a piece of my mind. . .!!"

Man with Sword in Penholder

We all have our jobs to do here --- You guard against burglars and I'm the food critic.

'I hear a burglar downstairs, the poor fool.'

'Curiosity'

Job Stress.

'Herbert's security hookup lets him make sure no one took over his desk while he's on vacation.'

"You're closer. You get it."

'I am an unhappy employee.'

"This is probably how they keep getting in."

'How To Say No To Sales People'.

Visiting the Opera

Man with fly swat - Let the games begin.

Why the "Man's Best Friend" thing is a total fraud.

Snail Peephole

How do you keep cats out of your garden? I catch the little sneaks

'Hello, Madame, we'd like to talk to you about cod...'

"My husband has a thing about double glazing salesmen."

Delivered Pretty Much To Your Door!

Door to door salesman sees sign: 'We have everything.'

Coming soon: Compulsory auction because of unpaid mortgage

Pest Control

'This has been taking up all of my time.'