Door-to-door Skeptic Gifts

"No religious nuts!"

Sign on church reads 'Thou Shalt Not Solicit'.

'Item 56, we need to schedule a series of meetings to discuss whether we should have meeting to look at whether we're having too many meetings.'

Open House of Horrors

"I know it looks fine, but let's get an engineer's report and a termite inspection just to be on the safe side."

'You will meet a sexy, honest fortune teller who will take all your money!'

'What is the meaning of poorly attended staff meetings.'

"I packed the cooking gear like you told me, Dad...where do I plug it in?"

"Too much caution can take all the fun out of life." "Mind if I get a second opinion?"

Library. Story Hour. This fact-checking site says no cow has ever jumped over the moon.

'Self service.' 'How much do I tip myself?'

"Enjoy my first day at school? You mean there'll be others?"

Boss: 'Speak up Smythe, I know you've got an opinion, I told you what it was in my email this morning!'

"What do you want to be when you give up?"

The first meeting.

'Just stop for a minute. Smell that pine scent. Drink in the view. I don't think we could pick a better site for our 'Mega-Mall'!'

"We also stock non-alcoholic wine" "Why?"

Expert examining painting: "Ladies and gentlemen, I'm afraid it's a fake."

"Oh, great—here comes that crazy #@!*%! Jeff who won't shut up about conspiracy theories. How's my hair look?"

A person is reading another person's thoughts.

'You don't really want to go to this party, do you?'

'I'll bet this would be more fun on a computer.'

"Beware of everything."

"My religion makes sense if you want it to."

DOOM! (WHICHEVER ONE WINS)

'Nature makes me nervous!'

"First, I'll need to see an audited statement of revenue and expenses."

'I can't believe you think that hypnotist was for real.'

'I was skeptical at first, but it really works.'

"Grown men! There's no such thing, Molly."

"I don't think you're being realistic."

Ahmadinejad in New York.

Supermarkets

"That's how the congregation looks when I ask for volunteers."

We're stuck here for the entire summer. It's loserville! Let's start "the most boring town" contest. I bet there's one already on the web. Darn! Here's a "top ten tedious towns" list. We're not on it. West Fester is so boring, it's not even the most boring.