Doomday Planner Gifts

Spam - best before end of world.

"Fred's calculating what future natural catastrophes he can ignore based on his probably life span."

Optimist

'What he said about judgement day is scary. Maybe we should find a good lawyer.'

Cheer up-things aren't so bad.....

"All I'm saying is now is the time to develop the technology to deflect an asteroid."

Catastrophe Risk Insurance

What's your contingency plan, Randy? My what? If a calamity of biblical proportions were to strike here in Canardville, would you flee across the bridge to Candorville? Or would you search in vain for a fallout-resistant bunker, before surrendering to the cruel inevitability of your demise? I ask just for the sake of discussion. No reason to panic. Totally unrelated: I just found out someone who's definitely not me is selling fallout bunkers at buy-this-now-if-you-want-to-live.com. Very bad man.

'These guys aren't playing by the rules!!!'

Tsunami Evac Route

'The hardest part of being a street crazy is picking each day's sign.'

'To prepare for Y2K, I backed up all discs and documents. . . stockpiled water and non-perishables. . . converted my investments to cash and set up a wood burning stove.'

Judgment Day is coming next Monday. Repent. Now, hold on. How can I believe you when so many dire prophecies haven't come true? I sealed myself in a shelter twice in the late '60s, hid in the Appalachian Mountains a decade later. A huge bunching of Judgment Day visions in the late '80s led me to simply get a time share in the Colorado mountains … Getting out of town doesn't spare you Judgment Day. I don't think. Lemme double-check the clues in Marmaduke. Mostly I needed an excuse to get away. Th

The end is near - well, at least for the sandwich board guy.

"What, no day spa? And you call this a luxury bunker."

Zombie Fish

"We could have a shoot-out, then brunch."

'Our policy is quite plain. We don't pay out on claims we can't pronounce.'

Hiker Followed By Paramedic

'Bonny, I've forgotten...What time is that 9 o'clock meeting tomorrow?...'

"Every time Trump wins a primary, we get one step closer."

The other day during the zombie apocalypse

"And then yesterday, I had an epiphany: The best way for me to overcome my paralyzing fear of a global ecological/economic collapse is to find a way to turn it into a lucrative career!"

Sun crashing into sea foils rescue attempt.

When a nanosecond is forever.

I figured out how these folks keep guaranteeing the precise day the world ends. Shhh. Keep it down. Why? It's a scam? If you read the read the fine print, they are promising that the world will begin to end that day. Could take forever. It's a no-lose scam … Shhh! What? It's scary when the world might end. There are a lot of people out there who need comforting. Women people, I presume. Women people, I presume. Who take comfort in necking. And you belittle their fears?

How to survive the coming crash.

Climate Change Contingency House

Clock in, Clock out.

The End is Near/Just the Beginning

"Don't sweat the huge stuff."

"Your 401(k) is a low-risk investment, other than a few stocks that happen to finance the end of human civilization as we know it."

'My backup special...'

"Actually, I will have fries with that."

"I think whatever's going to happen next has already happened."