Donation Dodger Gifts

I hate the pledge drive. Call.

"No luggage to check - I just have this carry on."

'I hope I run out of money before I flunk out.'

'You shouldn't have taken that personal pension.' 'You shouldn't have taken that endowment mortgage.' 'When do you get your free tv license?' Job's comforters, today.

'When I turned 18 something started happening to me every month. I started receiving a credit card bill.'

I'm writing the Great American novel, one bill at a time.

'I'd like to leave my pacemaker to the medical institute, my artificial lung to the research center, my false teeth to the dental clinic, my dacron arteries...'

"I'm taking 'moving back in with the parents' studies."

"If you miss a payment, we show up and embarrass you in front of your friends."

Hear me, Graduates!

"I know it's not in our nature, but we really gotta stop charging everything."

Financial Advisor. The next time you let your inner child out to play, don't let him play with your credit cards.

"What kind of 'best friend' expects you to pick up their sh*t?"

"Congratulations. Please remember the college's financial plight. Congratulations. Please remember the college's financial plight. Congratulations. Please remember . . ."

Maple tree donating syrup at a syrup drive clinic.

'Sorry - I only donate big.'

"I cloned myself to take care of my Thanksgiving duties while I watch football in peace."

'Nobody's leaving till I get the offering plate back!'

'It will take all my nine lives to pay off my student loans.'

'So, who's first?'

Kicking The Habit

It's an I-O-Ewe.

Updated Proverbs. We come into the world with nothing. And leave deeply in debt!

"Whoops! There go those darned interest rates again!"

'Financial suicide hotline. How may I help you?'

'Hello, Ma'am. I'm a college graduate selling vacuum cleaners door to door to help pay for the fortune I borrowed to take a course that had nothing to do with selling vacuums... and how are you doing?'

Tonight's Lecture: Your share of the national debt. That explains my credit rating.

And your repayment period starts...Now!

You've been extending Randy credit to buy food and drinks? You've no right! That's thousands of dollars. Have you any idea what that … Armstrong? Defibrillator. C'mon, really. It's not that bad. Okay, fine, make a show of it. Defibrillator! And a coroner.

Election Cancelling Headphones

FIRST NATIONAL BANK OF, 'It's official, sir - EVERYBODY'S overdrawn!'

"So I figure, as long as I stay a student then I can't repay my student loans."

'We had a white Christmas but we'll be in the red until April.'

'Money doesn't have wings, feet or wings. My dad says that nevertheless, it disappears with the speed of light.'

Don't laugh, my house is paid for.