Domestic Gladiator Pillows

Duel in the sun room.

"If he'd done that to me, I'd have got up and given him a good thump!"

Prize vegetables.

Rage.

I only root so hard for my time because I hate your team so much.

"I feel your pain."

Neighbor Leaf Wars

His family thought he'd been wasting his life, but Steve Wiebe was about to prove everyone wrong.

"Good news...I found a doctor who says you can still play!"

'He works out aggression by bayoneting the leaves.'

"Everything's gone up."

"Impressive, yes, but what exactly is a black belt in cookery?"

"I know I should have gotten a cart, but I can't give up now."

I'm Spartacus.

American Football.

Biker Lawn Mower

"I warned you before you bought it, John, that the plant is aggressive!"

"Bye now... it's always nice to see you and little Tommy!"

'So...worked in 'IT' long?'

Believe it or not, I'm sitting her watching the fights. Harry versus the crabgrass, the moles, the insects...

Football.

'I've decided to skip my senior year and go directly into an endless cycle of unrealistic expectations and failure.'

Punishment for the kicker.

'We're going to look pretty stupid if it's not a Michelin star.'

"It was your father's idea - He can't bear to miss a second of the game."

'He intentionally entangles his face mask in my hand!'

Human males marking territory.

Onion Guillotine

Man mowing lawn that grows quicker then he can cut it!

"Just a routine ID check, Mr. Spartacus - there are lots of people with the same name, you know."

"Well, dad. . . when I was a kid I got in trouble for trampling on the lawn or for beating up others. . . today, I get a lot of money for it!"

A football player accidentally kicks off the head of another football player.

The Thurston State Hornets make their entry onto the field.

"Prepare to meet thy blower."

'Quit whining, Sid, and walk it off! I'm not falling for that pulled muscle thing again!'