Backyard Gladiator Pillows

Believe it or not, I'm sitting her watching the fights. Harry versus the crabgrass, the moles, the insects...

Prize vegetables.

I only root so hard for my time because I hate your team so much.

Neighbor Leaf Wars

"Good news...I found a doctor who says you can still play!"

'He works out aggression by bayoneting the leaves.'

'Daniel! How many times have I told you not to bury that in the back yard! I'm going to be late for work!'

Gardener's Calendar: Try to put the other things back...

American Football.

Biker Lawn Mower

Punishment for the kicker.

'I've decided to skip my senior year and go directly into an endless cycle of unrealistic expectations and failure.'

"It may have been just a kick-about in the garden, but Eric took things very seriously."

Football.

"I warned you before you bought it, John, that the plant is aggressive!"

"Don't get me wrong. I think it's great that Barbara decided she wanted to start exercising more after her surgery."

"It was your father's idea - He can't bear to miss a second of the game."

"In two weeks' time, Andy Murray will either have achieved a great British win or an awful Scottish defeat."

Leaf-Blowers: Loudly making yardwork someone else's problem since the 1960s.

Onion Guillotine

'He intentionally entangles his face mask in my hand!'

Human males marking territory.

'Get out there, Holmes, and pile on!'

The Thurston State Hornets make their entry onto the field.

'Quit whining, Sid, and walk it off! I'm not falling for that pulled muscle thing again!'

"Well, dad. . . when I was a kid I got in trouble for trampling on the lawn or for beating up others. . . today, I get a lot of money for it!"

"Prepare to meet thy blower."

Man mowing lawn that grows quicker then he can cut it!

A football player accidentally kicks off the head of another football player.

Tom, you may not want to pause so long at the top of your swing.

"There's got to be an easier way to kill the moss in a lawn"

"You, my tenacious weed, are trespassing!"

'Mind if I join you? I told your wife that if she didn't like the way I cook, she could have a run at it herself.'

'I'm just your average suburban gladiator mum.'

Football Blockers.